'Looking Good for Jesus' no more

The folks who brought us the "Wash Away Your Sins" line of bath products have finally stepped over the line, at least in Singapore.

A cosmetics line that extolls the virtues of "Looking Good for Jesus" has been pulled from stores in Singapore after some Roman Catholics complained the items were disrespectful.

"These products trivialize Jesus Christ and Christianity," Nick Chui, 27, one of the complainants, said. "There are also sexual innuendoes in the messages and the way Jesus is portrayed in these products."

Now those in search of "virtuous vanilla"-flavored lip balm and "Get Tight with Christ" hand and body cream will have to look elsewhere.

Granted, this is all in bad taste. But did anyone notice the business isn't secretly run by Richard Dawkins? They're only out for cheap laughs, not to trivialize Christianity. Blue Q also produces other novelty lines like "Let's Pretend I give a Shit" gum and "Cat Butts" air freshener.

I suppose PETA will be after them next.


• Furl • StumbleUpon • Technorati Tags: Looking Good For Jesus, Christian humor, satire, humor

Last minute Christmas junk

You've got the tree, the lights, the ornaments, the stockings, the kid's toys, the spouse's present, Santa's cookies and hot chocolate, the special mulled wine recipe, the wood for the fireplace and Bing Crosby on the cd changer. Hmm. What's missing?

Maybe the lifesize Inflatible Nativity Scene. (Only $82)

Over at healyourchurchwebsite.com they do this annual "Twelve Days of Jesus Junk" that can really jog your memory. And disturb your sense of spiritual equilibrium.

I remembered I needed some Jesus pencil toppers as stocking stuffers. And the lifelike Jesus nativity doll was so cute I just couldn't pass it up.

Now, what's the reason for the season again? I forgot.


• Furl • StumbleUpon • Technorati Tags: Christmas Jesus Junk, Christian humor, satire, humor

Virgins need not apply

In an attempt to rehabilitate the reputation of innkeepers everywhere after that troublesome Bethlehem incident, hotel chain Travelodge is offering couples named Joseph and Mary free accommodation this Christmas, if you're in Britain, Ireland and Spain.

Travelodge operations director Jason Cotta said the chain has "decided to evoke the true spirit of Christmas and invite Mary and Joseph couples as our guests."

"The phrase 'no room at the inn' is something that resonates with us in the hotel business."

How's that phrase "crass commercialism" resonating?

The offer runs between Christmas Eve and Twelfth Night (Jan. 5, 2008).

Oh, um, this is for MARRIED couples. (And, for the record, a couple named Joseph and Maury would be completely ineligible),

No need to be pregnant, though.


• Furl • StumbleUpon • Technorati Tags: Travelodge Joseph Mary, Christian humor, satire, humor

Holy flapjacks, kabbalistic beasties

I'm not sure if this is good news or bad.

Dana O'Kane of Port St. Lucie, Fla., was about to sprinkle some chocolate powder on a pancake when she noticed an outline of Jesus and Mary. Her daughter said she thought the image looked more like a Bedouin and Santa Claus. Deciding to sell the holy flapjack on eBay, she halted bidding at $450, but the auction fell through. A second attempt brought only a $29 offer, which she accepted.

So, with the value of Christian paraphernalia dropping, Jewish knick-knacks will probably proliferate this holiday season. Here's a few, uh, stocking stuffers.

Jews can show their ecological sensitivity during Hannukah by wearing a "G-d Loves Green" kippah. Available in your choice of black or forest green suede.

And if your taste runs to the more esoteric, Ken Goldman can supply you with dozens of Kabbalah-based beany-baby-like cuddly dolls.

Goldman was inspired by three unique characters--Samonglif, Sanoi and Sansoni-- etched onto a ninth-century amulet traditionally hung over children’s cribs for centuries, which he believes are representative of three angels guarding the child and providing spiritual protection.

The “Kabbalistic Beasties” are selling, with prominent placement, on the first floor of Manhattans' FAO Schwarz toy store.

• Furl • StumbleUpon • Technorati Tags: Kabbalah Toys, Christian humor, satire, humor

Bury a statue, sell your home!

With foreclosures increasing, and the housing market stalled, some people have rediscovered an old Catholic tradition-- burying a statue of St. Joseph on property you want to sell. For $9.95 you can get a 4-inch statue of Joseph, the husband of Mary and the patron saint of home and family, and a kit that explains the history and proper orientation of the statue, a "Protective Plastic Burial Bag," instructions on where to bury it, etc.

St. Jo becomes your virtual "underground real estate agent." You don't even have to be Catholic.

One apocryphal story tells how someone threw the statue in the trash, and the next week the town dump was sold. Gosh!

But homeowners need to exhibit caution about which statues they bury.

--Let's say I bury a statue of John Calvin. If the house doesn't sell, was it probably predestined not to?

--If I bury a statue of Jan Hus in my yard, will my house burst into flames?

--If I bury a statue of Jimmy Carter, will Habitat for Humanity arrive to build me a new garage?

--If I bury a statue of Korah— the guy who rebelled against Moses and was destroyed when the earth opened up and swallowed him and his followers (Numbers 16)— will my yard turn into a big bottomless gravel pit?

Even more unexpected problems can arise by burying statues of The Buddha, Stalin and Vaclav Havel.

All in all, it's best to leave these kinds of things to experienced professionals.


We've covered this before, but thanks to Metafilter for the latest version.

• Furl • StumbleUpon • Technorati Tags: St. Joseph Statues, Christian humor, satire, humor

Give Vatican, Star Trek caskets this Christmas

The busiest shopping days of the year are approaching, and many of you are looking for an object that perfectly expresses your feelings for a friend or loved one.

Don't neglect their final hours. A company called Eternal Image can help with "funerary products that celebrate the passions of life."

They offer Precious Moments, Major League Baseball and Cat Fanciers' themes, but those are so 2003. We like two new themes that turn our thoughts to the heavens.

The Vatican Library line represents the first urns and caskets to ever be sanctioned by the Vatican Library. Each includes a Certificate of Authenticity bearing the official Vatican Library Collection seal.

The caskets are "made from a proprietary composite (our own formula) that will not rot," so your loved one will sleep peacefully-- just as if he or she were resting in St. Peter's Basilica.

(Question: Is anybody ever gonna protest at the memorial service, "Hey, that's not a genuine Vatican Library casket. Where's your certificate!" And it's made with a "proprietary composite?" OK, plastic coffins are good. )

The Star Trek-themed ash urns and caskets are "reminiscent of the 24th- century styling of the United Federation of Planets and Starfleet. The styling has been inspired by the popular 'Photon Torpedo' design seen in STAR TREK II: The Wrath of Khan. "

(Wasn't that the movie where Spock's coffin was launched into space and some unstable "proto-matter" set off the Genesis Effect that started that planetary regeneration thing, and he came back to life, and...?)

Oh well. Kitsch, the final frontier.

Via Boing Boing

• Furl • StumbleUpon • Technorati Tags: Vatican Star Trek Caskets, Christian humor, satire, humor

What Would Jesus Counterfeit?

When a man was arrested in Pittsburgh for trying to pass a bogus $1 million bill at a convenience store, the police speculated the bill could be traced back to a "a Dallas-based ministry, which last year distributed thousands of religious pamphlets with a picture of the bogus bill."

In June 2006 the Secret Service seized 8,300 copies of the "million dollar bill" tract from the Great News Network's headquarters because a woman in North Carolina attempted to deposit the tracts as legal tender.

The bills were printed by Kirk Cameron's and Ray Comfort's The Way of the Master ministry and Living Waters Publications. The ministry at first refused to cooperate with the authorities and charged they were being persecuted. Apparently they're at it again. And... the bill is still available on their website.

They should have seen this coming. It's in the Bible: "The love of money is the root of all evil" (1 Timothy, 6:7-10).

• Furl • StumbleUpon • Technorati Tags: million dollar bill tract, Christian humor, satire, humor

Bored Game with Joel Osteen

The wife was off on her separate vacation. The kids don't live here anymore. Nothing was on TV. I was depressed. It was time to pull out the Joel Osteen-inspired "Your Best Life Now: The Game."

That's right, it's a board game based on the Houston pastor's bestselling book. You can buy it for $34.99 at Family Christian Stores. (I hadn't heard about it, but you probably have-- it came out last year).

Anyway, players progress through seven levels in the game. Each level has a challenge to overcome. The levels relate to the seven steps of "living at your full potential." It's sort of like Monopoly but instead of dealing in money, its currency is... air.

I ran into problems immediately. You're supposed to Develop a Healthy Self Image by making positive statements about yourself while looking into this tiny mirror. I couldn't think of anything, but I had a Have Faith card that let me get to the next step. Later I got to use my Wonder Word card, too.

I got through Discover the Power of Your Thoughts, Let Go of the Past and Find Strength Through Adversity. But I got stuck on Live to Give, and never made it to Tomorrow. I went to bed even more depressed.

I guess sometimes your best life just isn't good enough.


• Furl • StumbleUpon • Technorati Tags: Joel Osteen, Christian humor, satire, humor