Science vs. Religion, Voodoo style

Jan. 10 is National Voodoo Day in Benin. Voodoo was declared the official religion in the former French colony in the mid-1990s.

Health professionals have noted the voodoo practice of sacrificing chickens -- sometimes by tearing out a bird's throat with their teeth or drinking its blood -- creates a major risk of contamination from bird flu. Two cases of the deadly H5N1 bird flu strain fatal to humans were reported there last month.

Street stalls selling roast chicken, a prized local staple, report a big drop in sales.

But it seems such concerns are a breach of faith.

"If you buy a chicken to sacrifice it to your God, he will not let you buy an infected bird," said Dah Aligbonon, a Voodoo priest from Abomey, the former capital of the ancient African kingdom of Dahomey. "We don't fear infection from bird flu ... because there is a divine power that accompanies our sacrifice," he added.

Oooookay, then, Rev. Aligbonon. Let the natural selection process begin.

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Do not go gentle into that World of Warcraft

A member of our Christian fellowship used to be heavily into Dungeons and Dragons. Our Bible study teacher challenged him to interject Jesus into the game and see how long He survived by turning the other cheek. Our friend got the point: we don't expect to "win" in this world. We love in spite of the expectation of suffering, persecution and possible death.

Now someone's had a similar idea. They're putting their character Noor the Pacifist into the universe of World of Warcraft.

A college student is attempting to level two "pacifist" characters up to the top of World of Warcraft's character progression, characters he's playing without attacking anything. It's partly to try out the philosophy of pacifism in the violent virtual world, and partly to see if he can do it.

We wish him luck. But I'd put my money on a poison-trained rogue-class Gladiator Draenei with mind-flaying skills instead.

In the words of Mark Twain: "Peace by persuasion has a pleasant sound, but I think we should not be able to work it. We should have to tame the human race first, and history seems to show that that cannot be done."

Virtual history is even clearer on the subject.

(via BoingBoing)


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There will be stupidity

My fellow blogger at The Door, John Bloom, tells about a Mother Jones article on groups that are prospecting for oil using scriptural "clues."

That reminded me I had some info on the subject that I never posted (so much malarkey, so little time):

Zion Oil & Gas, the company that's exploring for oil in Israel based on a scriptural promise, is in the news again.

The company's directors believe Deuteronomy 33:24 points to rich oil deposits.

Moses said, “Let Asher be blessed with children … and let him dip his foot in oil.” The tribe of Asher was located in a geographic location shaped like a foot and that the passage referenced to the northern region of the tribe of Manasseh. Also, Genesis 49:22-26 mentions “a well,” and “blessings of the deep that crouch beneath” that “shall be on the head of Joseph.” "Blessing of the deep” could be a reference to oil, and “the head of Joseph” refers to the head-like boundary of ancient Manasseh.

Got that? Many scholars would say "oil" refers to olive oil. But no matter.

What I found interesting was a disclaimer at the end of their most recent press release, which is so air tight I'm going to suggest we use it on everything we publish here at The Wittenburg Door.

Maybe it's just standard jargon, but it doesn't inspire confidence, and I don't really understand it. Do you?

FORWARD-LOOKING STATEMENTS: Statements in this press release that are not historical fact, including statements regarding the Zion's future operations, their timing, the potential results thereof and plans contingent thereon, are forward-looking statements as defined in the "Safe Harbor" provisions of the Private Securities Litigation Reform Act of 1995. These forward-looking statements are based on assumptions that are subject to significant known and unknown risks, uncertainties and other unpredictable factors, many of which are described in Zion's periodic reports filed with the SEC and are beyond Zion's actual performance to differ materially from the results predicted by these forward-looking statements. Zion can give no assurance that the expectations reflected in these statements will prove to be correct and assumes no responsibility to update these statements.

If that's not oily, I don't know what is.


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'Taters reveal cruciform image!

A Houston woman and her husband have discovered what she says appears to be the image of a crucifix in a potato.

Well hush my puppies and call me crucifried.

Dawn Roth-Ehlinger and her husband were grilling hamburgers and frying potatoes for friends during a backyard cookout, when they noticed something odd while preparing the French fries.

As Dawn's husband sliced a potato, he says he saw a pattern reveal itself which appeared to be images of Christ and the crucifix in three different sections.

Ms. Roth-Ehlinger told a TV reporter they didn't eat the potato slices but disposed of them in her sink. "The disposal works great now," she added.

I don't know about you, but this kind of thing leaves me completely bespuddled. The miracle is, had they been making curly fries, the image would have remained unseen.


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Resolutions of the Televangelists 2008

In case you missed this on the www.wittenburgdoor.com website, the televangelists are straining to exercise some willpower this year:

• Pat Robertson: I will not make delusional predictions for the coming year unless at least one of my previous predictions at least partially came true. I will repeat this resolution to myself three times a day so I don't forget it.

• Joel Osteen: I resolve to frown at least 15 minutes each day so my smile will look genuine the rest of the time. But I will do it hanging upside down in my gravity boots so that the frown looks like a smile.

• Kenneth Copeland: This year I will speak into existence a world in which Sen. Grassley is a teensy-weensy bumblebee bat, one of the world's most endangered species. Then I will suck him into the engines of my $20 million Cessna Citation as I fly off to the Fiji islands.

• Benny Hinn: Whenever Jesus Christ appears to me visibly onstage, or when I hear his voice audibly as if he were standing right beside me, I will pinch myself, and then have one of my aides pinch me too. Then I will have another aide pinch that aide. And so on.

• Joyce Meyer: I will upgrade my $23,000 commode with a bidet, but switch to a lower grade of toilet paper. And each time I lambaste the concept of separation of church and state as being unconstitutional and "a deception from Satan," I will re-read the Constitution and place a call to the Evil One, just to check my facts.

• Creflo Dollar: I will repeat five times a day, "The decreasing value of U.S. currency this year does not reflect on my personal self-esteem." But I'll still keep tryin' to change my name to Creflo Krugerrand.

• Jan and Paul Crouch: We resolve to simplify our lifestyles away from reflecting the glittering Versailles of the "Sun King" Louis XVI to the more ecologically sensitive regal ostentation of Restoration England under Charles II. We will call this "going green."

• Hal Lindsey: I resolve to be even more confrontational about radical Islam in order to obscure the failure of my 37 years of end-time predictions and remind people that I still exist. Darn, I miss the Soviet Union!

• Rod Parsley: If I ever say "Man your battle stations! Ready your weapons! Lock and load--for the thirty, forty liberal pastors who filed against our ministry with the Internal Revenue Service" again, just shoot me.

• Randy and Paula White: We resolve to remember to pay for private jets we say we're going to purchase, instead of coughing up $112,000 in damages for cancelling the deal. And we resolve to place in our bio only those doctorates we actually earned, and to claim only doctorates at schools that actually exist. Oh, and we resolve to make sure there are no pesky lawyers around when we scam an old lady out of her life savings. Amen.

• Bishop Earl Paulk: I will fast from sex scandals the entire year. Instead I will promote my dominionist theology and the belief that Jesus will not return until the whole world has heard about me.

• Richard Roberts: I resolve to cancel my wife's cell phone contract, skip the annual home remodeling at university expense, return her red Mercedes convertible and white Lexus SUV, and see about the possibility of shredding the document-shredding machine. Oh yeah, and find a way to unplug the Unblinking Eye of Sauron from the ORU Prayer Tower and take it with me.

• John Hagee: I resolve to squeeze my corpulent, jiggling torso into a barrel and roll from San Antonio to the Holy Land to support the State of Israel. Who will join me?


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God as lifestyle conscierge

The online magazine Slate examines Houston megachurch preacher Joel Osteen and finds him lacking.

In the article "Pentecostalism for the Exurbs," Chris Lehmann is mystified by the kinds of things Osteen's God takes an interest in:

"Even many good, godly people have gotten into a bad habit of slumping and looking down," Osteen writes in his best-selling self-improvement tract Become a Better You. "[Y]ou need to put your shoulders back, hold your head up high, and communicate strength, determination, and confidence." After all, "We know we're representing Almighty God. Let's learn to walk tall."

Stand up straight... like God does?

And I sure didn't know that "If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be up on it."

Bottom line: Lehmann says Osteen "downgrades the divine image into the job description for a lifestyle concierge."


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The Year in Religion 2007

In case you missed this on the www.wittenburgdoor.com site, here's our rundown of the Year in Religion:


• Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light, a collection of the humanitarian's previously unpublished letters, revealed her to be a big ol' whiner.

• Evangelicals, embarrassed by their previous environmental insensitivity before recently becoming "green," turned a bright orange in 2007.

• First, Trinity Broadcasting Network became the new owner of the Holy Land Experience, a biblical theme park in Orlando, Fla. Then, the Creation Museum opened in Petersburg, Ky. Finally, faced with a "failure to communicate" from several televangelists, Sen. Charles Grassley made plans to open the Elmer Gantry Religious Work Camp based on the set from Cool Hand Luke. I bet you can't eat 50 eggs, Benny.

• The family of a woman who died from a snakebite during a religious service last year sued the Kentucky hospital that treated her because of disparaging remarks about her beliefs. Wait... she wasn't actually handling those serpents, was she? 'Cause that's crazy.

• Sixty-eight percent of Republicans polled said they doubt humans evolved from lower life forms over millions of years, although they find it easy to believe Democrats did.

• Twenty-five percent of Americans believed it was at least somewhat likely Jesus Christ would return in 2007, according to an Associated Press poll. They were wrong.

•International Fishing Ministries Association in British Columbia sponsors fishing excursions in place of worship services because, founder Ed Trainer says, “Church is too boring for men. Church is set up like a country club for women.”

• Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary added a homemaking class to its curriculum, which was criticized as an “absurd aberration.” But now the ladies have a lucrative deal to fry up the International Fishing Ministries' catch of the day. So who's absurd now?

• The film The Lost Tomb of Jesus presented evidence producers say could prove Jesus was married to Mary Magdalene and had a son. No evidence was presented that showed the Holy Family needed a homemaking class.

• The Vatican denied concealing the Fourth Secret of Fatima, which some claim contains the full truth about the end of the world. (Our guess: The apocalypse will not be preceded by a series of speculative books on eschatology involving secret "codes" and long-buried mysteries).

• The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints mounted a PR campaign to better explain what it means to be Mormon. While trying to deny they believe Jesus and Lucifer were brothers, they, uh, inadvertently admitted they did believe that.

• Spiritual website Beliefnet.com was bought by Rupert Murdoch. He promptly renamed it newscorpdirecmoneynet.com.

• Amway distributors lost a $19 million suit for spreading rumors about satanism at the Procter and Gamble Co. But we're still creeped out by that spooky P&G crescent-moon logo thingee.

• Theologians redoubled efforts to interpret the meaning of "Bong Hits 4 Jesus."

• The National Primitive Baptist Convention marked its centenniel by singing a capella, starting fires with flint shards and bringing down a wildebeest with a simple throwing stick.

• The Jordan River, revered by Jews, Christians and Muslims, was found to be so polluted that the World Monuments Fund designated it an “Endangered Cultural Heritage Site.” Rupert Murdoch then offered to buy it, clean it up and change its name to The NewscorpFoxDow Stream of Revenue Channel.

• A Barna survey found that America's ungrateful, complaining young people see Christians as being judgmental.

• A new animated version of The Ten Commandments featured a more compassionate Moses with the voice of Christian Slater, who turned out to be surprisingly skilled at rebuking graven images.

• Unitarians tried to raise their profile with a $425,000 ad campaign. Their slogan was “Find us, and ye shall seek.” Really.

• In Jezebel: The Untold Story of the Bible’s Harlot Queen, author Lesley Hazleton claimed Jezebel got a bad rap. Well, at least we know one thing about her-- she failed as the Dog Whisperer.

• Discount chain Wal-Mart test-marketed biblical action figures... and then hired them with no health benefits.

• Tony Blair converted to Catholicism in December. He's now known as the Pope's "poodle."

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