Uglyband: Red's shadow of doubt

Red
Latest release: End of Silence, Deluxe Edition, Essential Records
Website: www.redmusiconline.com

Red is a Grammy-nominated Christian rock band along the lines of Linkin Park. Music reviewers say they have an emotional, intense and "crunchy" sound, whatever that is. (Sounded swell on their Myspace page, anyway).

They bounce around on stage in nice black t-shirts, for the most part, perfectly appropriate for a band mimicking the top rock bands of the hour.

I'm concerned, though, about lead singer Mike Barnes. His head is shaved. Fine. But I've never seen heavier eye shadow in my life. Well, maybe on Jan Crouch.

Please, Mike, review this video on How to Apply Eye Shadow from the eHow folks:

Step One-- Prime the eyelids by dusting them with a small amount of loose powder.

Step Two-- Select a light base shadow. Using a shadow brush, sweep it across your entire lid, from brow to lash line.

Step Three-- Use a medium-toned shade to cover your lower lids.

Etc, etc.

I promise it will make a big difference. A more natural look will improve your stage presence, and the little flakes of cosmetics won't scatter on your bandmates when you deliver that trademark scream.

You can thank me later.

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Uglyband: Zao's new look

Zao
Latest release: The Fear is What Keeps Us Here, Ferret Records
Website: www.zaoonline.com

This Christian "metalcore" band from Greensburg, Penn., has been around since 1993, so I was surprised I'd never heard of them. Their myspace page is scary, and as I looked around for a photo of the band, the song The Buzzing played in the background. It did indeed sound like the lead singer was ripping his throat out with a buzz saw. But that, I suppose, reflects the essence of the genre.

The only group photo I could find was the one on the cover of the latest CD (above). It is a stunningly evocative scene. The band members are draped in simple white sheets resembling the Muslim burqa. They surround a similar figure draped in black, obviously representing their agent at Ferret Records. The message remains obscure, but the depiction is remarkable.

The bold and dramatic unisex look this portrays represents a significant departure for a heavy metal group of any persuasion, but especially one with a Christian background. The clean, ethereal image is in contrast to the scalding sound of the music contained in the CD. Stylistically, the choice was perfect.

This could very well influence the look of Christian groups across the spectrum from pop to contemporary to gospel. Zao's identity-erasing metalcore burqa could go a long way in dispelling the impression that Christian musicians are mostly in it for their ego.

They might find it hard to play their instruments, though.

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Uglyband: The Myriad's style coup

The Myriad
Latest CD: You Can't Trust a Ladder
website: www.themyriad.net

The Myriad is a Christian Indie group from Washington State. There's only five of 'em, in case you're thinking their name indicates a Polyphonic Spree-like swarm.

Initially their look doesn't dazzle. But on closer examination, this is a group that believes in detail. Take a gander at the backstage photo, taken this year in Houston. Is that a tie and vest on that guy in the back? When's the last time an Indie group appeared onstage in tie and vest? Never, that's when.

From the birthplace of grunge, The Myriad is breakin' the rules and succeeding (they were all wrapped up in some MTV contest last I checked).

But there's more. On their MySpace page I noticed a prominently placed blurb for....their tailor? "DRESS FOR LESS BUT STILL IMPRESS" the text said. "Check out several companies that are sponsoring The Myriad's bid for style (and reasonably clean laundry) on the road."

That took me to the website of sidearmclothing.com and this great quote:

"I am going to hold a pistol to the head of Modern Man. But I shall not use it to kill him. Only to bring him to life." --G.K. Chesterton

Whoa! Anyway, this is an Indie band with a personal clothier. Unheard of.

One of Sidearm Clothing's t-shirts is called the Fear T. It comes with this muddled quote: "Our air filters work way, way better than FRAM (auto) filters; plus: your respiratory system is far more complex than a car's. So choose us and live cleaner. Besides, Mustard gas is no friend of yours!"

OK, the t-shirt's content is confusing, but it looks cool.

I can only applaud the musical and stylistic pursuits of The Myriad, a group at home both on the concert stage and the fashion runway. May their tribe increase.

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Uglyband: Blase no longer blasé

Blase is a girl hip-hop group from "H-town" in Texas. I suppose that refers to Houston, but it could just as easily be Henderson, Harker Heights, Hereford or a dozen others. It's not clear from their MySpace page info.

Nevertheless, take a look at this group. You might think Blase is, well, blasé, if not for the amazing transformation we see documented. The photo above is their current, cool look, but check out an earlier version of the group in the photo below.

I suspect their mammas took them by the ear and dragged them over to the local stylist for a makeover. From being stuck in some kind of 1970s Jackie Brown kind of whirlpool, they were able to break out of it and slip into a new, classy look.

Folks, that's how it's supposed to be done. No doubt we owe a lot to one of the first "friends" commenting on their page--Nikki The Unique Stylist. Hat's off to that girl.

If more of our Christian bands could take a cue from Blase and shed their woefully outdated and un-schooled choices in clothes, hair and attitude, who knows how much the Kingdom of God would benefit?

On the other hand, girls, the syrupy sweet online greeting cards on your Myspace page are sorta creepy and make me gag. Fire your web designer.


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Uglyband: Neon Horsemen pass by. Please.

Neon Horse
Latest Release: Neon Horse
website
Tooth and Nail Records

Sometimes a band is either so ugly or has so little sense of style that the record company attempts to market the music without ever showing us what the band members actually look like.

This is never, ever a good sign.

Neon Horse, supposedly a conglomeration of members of 20 defunct Los Angeles-area music groups, released a CD in May. The mystery of the band's membership was hyped by Tooth and Nail Records. Scores of people had their curiosity piqued.

Despite the mystery, the identity of two members has leaked out. They are Mark Salomon, formerly with The Crucified, Native Son & The Foundation, Stavesacre and Outer Circle. And Jason Martin of Starflyer 59, Dancehouse Children, Bon Voyage and The Brothers Martin.

I've never heard of any of the groups, but if that's Salomon in the group's video, it's probably just as well he kept the makeup on. The content of the video is so disturbing I'm passing the information on to our Weekly Beastie file for further review.

I'd like to help them, but there's really not much to work with without real photos. The CD cover art (above) gives only a clear view of the groups' crotch.

Will Neon Horse ride their embarrassment into the ground? Will they be merely a flicker on the musical landscape? Will they expire with a whiney or an irritating buzz? If the group can overcome their shame soon, we'll be here waiting, with as much grooming, fashion and style advice as they can handle.

As the adage goes, you can lead a Neon Horse to Haute Couture but you can't make him show his face.

Pity.



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Uglyband: Bob Marley and the Wailers

Bob Marley and the Wailers
Latest Album: One Love at Studio One: 1964-1966 (Heartbeat, 2006)
http://web.bobmarley.com/index.jsp

OK, OK-- Marley's not a Christian artist. But don't tell the Anglicans.

The song One Love by the late reggae legend will be included in a new collection of Anglican church hymnals in Jamaica, along with the song Psalm 27 by another reggae musician, Peter Tosh.

Here's the first verse of One Love:

"One Love! One Heart!
Let's get together and feel all right.
Hear the children cryin' (One Love!);
Hear the children cryin' (One Heart!),
Sayin' give thanks and praise to the Lord and I will feel all right."

If that sounds perfectly fine to you, note that both Marley and Tosh were devout Rastafarians , and "the Lord" refers to Haile Selassie I, the former Emperor of Ethiopia, who they believe is God incarnate. Rastas also practice the spiritual use of marijuana and wear dreadlocks besides churning out great reggae music.

Rev. Ernle Gordon, rector of the Church of St. Mary the Virgin in Kingston, said members of the Anglican Church of Jamaica were enthusiastic about including the songs in the hymnal, despite their sometimes vocal opposition to Christianity.

"They may have been antichurch, but they were not anti-God or antireligion," Gordon said. The action is part of a broader effort by the church to "Caribbeanise" theology.

Gordon said the use of reggae rhythms in the Anglican Church is nothing new. "We've been having reggae and 'mento' masses for 25 years," he said. "We make it clear that the words we use are correct theology. ..."

Oh, whatever.

But you've got to admit Marley is a lot more exciting dead than most Christian music artists are alive.

So now I'm pushing for The Kinks' hit song Lola to be included in the Baptist Hymnal... but only in the back, as a responsive reading. Anybody else have a suggestion?


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Uglyband: The Almost paradox

The Almost
http://www.thealmost.com
Latest release: Southern Weather (Virgin Records/ Tooth and Nail Records)

The Almost reminds me of the classic Paradox of Zeno in which the Tortoise and Achilles prove that because distance can be infinitely divided into fractions, moving an infinite number of small intermediate distances will take forever.

In the world of style, that's what The Almost is facing.

The band includes Aaron Gillespie (lead vocals and guitar), Jay Vilardi (guitar), Alex Aponte (bass) and Kenny Bozich (drums).

Mostly we'll just talk about Gillespie. He performed all the instruments and vocals on the album. The other band members were put together for touring purposes, and they are obviously being held against their will, as the photo above clearly shows.

First let's consider Gillespie's tattoos and piercings. He has collected a tasteful montage of markings, but I noticed that his lip ring somehow migrated to his nostril from one interview to the next. Sometimes it vanishes entirely. This is confusing to fans. They want to look at a certain body part and find the piece of bling they expect, not have to interrupt their reverie to formulate mental questions like "where'd that ring go?"

In the wardrobe department, the most troubling accessory is the white belt. He seems to wear it with every outfit. Maybe this is the only belt he has. Maybe it's a special "good luck" belt. Whatever it is, it needs to go. Even suspenders would be an improvement.

The "regular guy" look of '70s track suit, T-shirts and jeans can only hold him back from bigger things. To break out of the pack, you need some flash. This is what The Almost lacks.

In the public relations area, The Almost has not been well coached.

In one interview, Gillespie reveals he's inspired by his Seattle-based producer Aaron Sprinkle. “And it turns out we have a lot in common. He wears a lot of hats and plays every instrument."

[Hats! That's what Gillespie needs. Where are the hats?]

Imagination? He'll never be another Dylan with song titles like Everyone Here Smells Like A Rat and I Mostly Copy Other People, two tracks from the album.

Personal charisma? Here's a sample of Gillespie's interview style:

Have you ever looked in the mirror and seen someone else?
Aaron: Most days I do.
What do you guys do with your friends when you’re on tour?
Aaron: This, [being interviewed] hang out, talk, light stuff on fire.
Jay: Eat...Burn stuff.
Aaron: With fire.
What is one thing that would make you want to give up performing?
Aaron: If I killed people when I did it.
If you could take one Disney character with you on tour who would you take and why?
Aaron: "I’d probably take Piglet because that’s my nickname and it just seems obvious. I used to be really fat, and people started calling me that a long time ago."

Free pointer: Never, ever get people to call you Piglet. Look at what happened to Elton John.

As a Christian musician, Gillespie of course has a faith testimony:

"We all believe that Jesus died on the cross for our sins and rose three days later. That’s what I believe in every aspect of my life. Being a husband, being a father (if I was a father), being a banker, being a musician, whatever I do I want to follow Christ the best I can to emulate his life."

A banker? Was this a Freudian slip? Unless you tighten up your public persona, Aaron, you won't be in the music business much longer, let alone making deals in the boardroom.

But don't despair. With the proper guidance and maybe a subscription to GQ, all is not lost.



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Christian humor, satire, humor

Uglyband: Beyond Magnified Plaid

(Click for larger view)

MXPX
www.mxpx.com
Latest release: Let's Rock

MXPX has been a pop-punk staple since they released their debut album Pokinatcha 12 years ago. But what kind of name is MXPX? Here's how the band explains it:

"It's an abbreviation for the original name, Magnified Plaid. We always used both MXPX and Magnified Plaid, but Magnified Plaid didn't fit on the flyers of any decent size, ya know, so we always had both. And later decided Magnified Plaid was a dumb name. So we stuck with MXPX."

Which, of course, in NOT a dumb name....

OK, sure, they were correct to change the name. But it also shows they are wobbling on a very faulty style foundation. Plaid is never appropriate in a rock or punk band, ever.

MXPX has had many looks and styles through the years. I like their early, innocent days best (see photo at left). Clean lines. Simple outfits. Superhero motif. It's been downhill since then.

The band can sometimes reveal a decided lack of political correctness. Asked about the references to heartbreak and lost love in their songs, one member explained:

"Yeah. Girls can be really lame. But they can also be really cool though, ya know?"

Oops. Broke rule No.1. Don't challenge your audience with too many cutting-edge ideas. I recommend leaving the romantic philosophizing to others and sticking with what you guys know best. Tattoos.

In the concert photo (at top), examine carefully the intricate body art designs etched into the players. These are essential to helping a musician "get his groove on." But what about after hours? When you go home, to church, out to dinner, you don't want to draw attention to yourself and embarrass your friends or family. So, in the photo (at right) of the group relaxing at home, you'll notice that the tattoos are gone.

Yep, these guys know the importance of leaving work behind at the office. If they follow my advice, stay away from plaid, practice hard and keep their wits about 'em, someday they may make a splash in the music pond.

Watch their Pepsi commercial that debuted during the Super Bowl.



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Christian humor, satire, humor

Uglyband: Locked into dreads?

(Click for larger view)

Christafari
www.christafari.com
Latest Release: To the Foundation

Christafari is a controversial Christian reggae band founded by Mark Mohr. Controversial because some Christians think his Rastafarian look suggests marijuana use, and the Rastas think he's trying to pull a Jews-for-Jesus thing by masquerading as a true Jah worshipper of that Ethiopian Emperor.

The band was started in 1989, and it shows. The whole problem is the dreadlocks. They're not only out of style, they're a lightning rod for trouble.

People claim the hairstyle dates back to ancient Egypt and to the Vedic deity Shiva and his followers, who were said to wear their hair in that style.

At the turn of the twentieth century, Marcus Garvey found an enthusiastic following among the black population of Jamaica.The followers of this movement called themselves "Dreads," signifying that they had a dread, fear, or respect for God. Emulating Hindu and Nazarite holymen, these "Dreads" grew matted locks of hair, which would become known to the world as "Dreadlocks" — the hair-style of the Dreads.

Rastafarianism is something entirely separate. It was born in the 1930s when Ras Tafari was crowned emperor of Ethiopia. When the emperor was forced into exile during an invasion, guerrilla warriors swore not to cut their hair until the emperor was reinstated. Rastafarians smoked cannabis because they thought it prompted a clearer state of well being. Their dreadlocks were thought to be disgusting and frightening, hence the term "dread" which was later reclaimed by the "Rasta" community. The hairstyle was later brought into mainstream culture through the worldwide success of reggae artist Bob Marley.

Whatever its origins, for a busy musician, there are a lot of drawbacks to this hairstyle.

One dread-care site says, "If you swim or wash them a lot (more than once a week usually), your dreads can start smelling very funky and musty if you do not dry them out properly in the sun, with a blow dryer, etc. Mold can actually grow inside your locks if you leave them damp most of the time."

Hmm. Mold.

And here's a warning to reckon with: "If something weird has crawled into your dreads, laid eggs and is having a party in there - please, don't go into denial because you're afraid you might have to chop your dreads off... DEAL WITH IT IMMEDIATELY." Whoa!

Dreads are very high maintenance. You gotta have special shampoos and sprays and take precautions not to let smells embed themselves in the locks.

But Mohr and his band can solve all these problems. Just get rid of the dreadlocks.

I suggest the Knotty Boy Dreadlock Removal Kit for $25. You won't even have to cut your hair. Then-- "poof"-- everybody's happy and you can get back on the concert circuit, maybe with a more modern hairstyle, like the one sported by former president Bill Clinton, above.

Or even go with a more blow-dried, Don Imus/ Farrah Fawcett look. Hey, don't worry. You'll still look dreadful.



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Uglyband: You're crowding me

David Crowder Band
Latest release: B Collision
www.davidcrowderband.com

The dubious background of The David Crowder Band begins in Waco, Texas. Its first fans were students at Baylor University, where, according to the band's promotional material, half the students at that "Christian" university don't even go to church.

This is hardly a recommendation.

The lack of imagination in the band is evidenced by several of its albums, which are named for colors —or perhaps for David's T-shirt of the day— The Lime CD, The Yellow CD, The Green CD, etc. (This worked for the Beatles... once). Or they're named with mindless alliterations—2005's Sunsets and Sushi, for instance. They even label albums like a freakin' middle school essay outline: "A" Collision in 2005; "B" Collision in 2006. I'm sure we're all looking forward to "C" Collision sometime in 2007.

Their most popular song, apparently, was a cover of Feliz Navidad that they posted on their website. And there's supposed to be a "secret" link on their site to a clip of "high-pitched male singing and playing piano." Who could resist that?

The photo at top shows an early attempt by the band members to get bit parts in Schindler's List.

Sure, they were MSN.com's Artist of the Year for 2006. Their music is probably great. But I don't see the attraction. These are all the kids who didn't get picked for anybody's dodgeball team, and had to form their own.

The inset photos of Crowder show a desperate attempt to create a style with thrift store purchases. Nothing seems to help.

This group might be beyond the aid of a fashion overhaul. Perhaps they should start a Meals on Wheels ministry instead.




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Uglyband: Get back, tobymac

tobymac
Latest CD: Portable Sounds

Tobymac is a solo rap performer who used to be with the group dcTalk years ago (in the photo above, he's the guy in the middle. Click for a larger view). One person like him is a lot easier to take than a whole group, so going solo was a smart move. But in reviewing photos of his musical career, I notice a de-volution of sorts.

The latest photos all feature tobymac with some kind of head covering. In one he has a black cap. In another he's wearing a sort of British, Sherlock Holmes thing. One picture has him in what looks like a white chef's hat. (The one hatless photo suggests that without a hat, his hair just goes every-which-way. Maybe that's why he started wearing hats).


But compare those photos with the original publicity shot of dcTalk above. Now tell me who you'd rather have come into your church or youth group and perform for your kids. What kind of role model do these other photos portray? Which young man do you see becoming a success, the one in the dcTalk picture or the one who can't decide which hat to wear? At 42 he's not getting any younger, so he needs to carefully consider these issues.

And as an aside--simply a public relations question--why "tobymac?" What kind of name is that? Is he Toby, or is he Mac? It tells me, "I'm an indecisive, wishy-washy flip-flopper."


He claims he got the name because he was born in October. Let's just be glad he wasn't born in February.

Makeover bottom line? Lose the hat, find a nice white shirt and a tie. Quickly. Your bio-clock is ticking.





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Uglyband: Running out of Adrenaline

Christian rockers Audio Adrenaline are legends in Christian rock-- 15 years of touring with two Grammy Awards, more than 3 million records sold and 18 No.1 radio hits.

But the band is calling it quits in April. That's too bad, because, in the realm of style and fashion, their clean, non-nonsense custuming and understated showmanship could help shape the image of Christian showbusiness for years to come.

Watch the slideshow of the fall leg of their farewell tour provided by The Dallas Morning News. Do you notice anything? A theme?

Hint: In most of the photos the band is wearing simple, white T-shirts. The kind people wore in the 1950s. The kind I wore as a kid. The kind Christian bands of the future should all be wearing.

It says: no distractions. It says "we know who we are."

But to some people it also might convey "we're older than dirt."

So, I don't know. Maybe it is time for this band to fold up and make room for fresh talent.

But the elegant, simple white "T" will never go out of style.


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Uglyband: Relient K's style emergency

Relient K
www.relientk.com
Latest release: Five score and seven years ago

Relient K's new CD was released today with the title Five Score and Seven Years Ago. Isn't that a tired reference to President George Washington's Farewell Address or something? Honestly, if they'd look these things up, they wouldn't end up embarrassed. That phrase has already been used, guys.

But this is a clueless band, style-wise, so why are we surprised?

They're from Ohio, but nothing in their repertoire approaches the old Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young rock anthem about the Kent State massacre, so why do they even try?

The website's biography section asks us to "trace the progression from the band’s tracksuit wearing days on 2000’s self-titled release," but you know, I think they looked better in the tracksuits.

Compare the photos from that album (top) and today (left) and tell me I'm wrong.

Reality check: The band needs to strictly limit their interaction to music only. Whenever they talk, it sounds lame: “There’s been a natural progression from the first onto the second, third and now the fourth record,” notes drummer Dave Douglas. Well, duh! Isn't that what all ordinal numbers imply?

On their musical style: "The lines are being blurred between the post hardcore, post punk and peak emo movements..." Blah blah blah. Does anybody know what they're talking about? Isn't an "emo" an extinct bird?

Relient K needs to work very hard on personal style, starting yesterday.

“It’s my personality to be cheesy and tell dumb jokes,” frontman Matt Thiessen admits. Later he says he "found it to be the hardest thing in the world to say 'Jesus' in a song and not be cheesy." The logic escapes me here. Are you cheesy, or are you not cheesy, Matt? This can be very confusing to your fan base.

In an interview with Cigar magazine--and, should he be talking to a magazine named "Cigar" that apparently promotes tobacco use? This is a PR faux pax waiting to happen--Thiessen said that before concerts, "I usually wear the same shirt but not for any reason, I just don't want to get another one dirty."

"The same shirt"! I think that explains a lot about the style problems (and throws into question his personal hygiene).

Bottom line: Dig out your old track suits and start over. And Thiessen--wash that shirt!



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Christian humor, satire, humor

Uglyband: Panheads! Listen up!

First, a little background.

Last week we decided to bring back our "Ugly Christian Band of the Week" feature because... well, this is a crucial moment in Gospel music history. This feature will appear every Friday, methodically, like the incessant, rhythmic pounding of a middle-school garage band next door just when you're trying to watch CSI:Miami. It will grow on you in time, and, very soon, you'll not even realize you're reading it. Now, on to the review...



Skillet
Latest release: Comatose
http://www.skillet.com/

Since we last checked in with Skillet, the band has gone through several style management upgrades, changed their website and apparently dived into the spiritual and musical equivalent of a vat of quaaludes.

C'mon folks, where's the joy? I thought you were supposed to be a Christian band, not followers of that albino monk in The Da Vinci Code.

See the photo (above) of the band in 2004? Would you call the cops if these people walked into your convenience store at 2 a.m.? At least the guy on the left has donned a stylish vest, but the untucked shirt says "sloppy" to me, and possibly "incompetent." The other fellow is not Elvis. I know Elvis, and he's no Elvis.

The girls, surprisingly, are not mere window dressing. One plays keyboards and the other is "an animal" on the drums. They also make her drive the van and pack up the equipment.

But they all look tired. Too many nights on the road. The CD ad copy says of their music, "The heavy riffs are hewed with beautiful melodies and often, uplifting lyrics." Often? And, isn't that "hewn" rather than... Oh, forget it.

Their new CD is called Comatose. The newest photo of Skillet (left) reflects a sudden interest in polish, but to no avail. The lead singer is wearing a "Paul is dead" kind of suit. Taking a cue from the CD title, all life has been drained from their demeanor, and the guy in the background actually has expired and is being propped up for the photo session. It's sad, really.

I will not mention the lead singer's odd, moused-up curls. That would be cruel.



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Gaither/ Gothard: Separated at birth?

Is this a widespread misunderstanding? 'Cause it could explain a lot.

We were taking a group of foreign exchange students from Dallas to Fort Worth on the train yesterday, and I overheard a couple discussing why the train was so crowded.

"I think they're having a concert at the American Airlines Center," one woman said.

"Who?" another asked.

"I think it's Bill Gothard."

A Bill Gothard concert? This, of course, would be a first. Gothard's Institute in Basic Youth Conflicts has preached often about the evils of contemporary Christian music. I've still got my syllabus somewhere to prove it.

"I didn't even know that guy could sing," I said to nobody in particular.

Another woman looked around. "I think it's probably Bill Gaither, not Gothard."

"That makes more sense," I nodded.
Indeed, we soon passed a sign that said Bill Gaither and his Homecoming Friends were playing two concerts that day.

I was a little sad, because I hoped Bill Gothard had finally found his voice. Although I always say his Institute saved my first marriage, I have strayed from most of his teachings in the past 30 years. I haven't even thought of him in a long time, not since his organization attempted to set up a school in downtown Dallas a few years back.
But I know one thing. Even if Gothard starts singing, I'm not going to review him for "Ugly Christian Band of the Week."

Ever.

But Gaither on the other hand. Hmmm.


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Christian humor, satire, humor

Uglyband: PO'd at the P.O.D. people

P.O.D.
Latest Release: Greatest Hits
My wife, Mrs. Skippy, recently returned from a visit to San Diego, home of the Christian rock band P.O.D.

It's a beautiful, bright metropolis with many military families and an interesting racial mix, a wonderfully developed downtown area. Just a delightful place, she says.

So the members of P.O.D. are obviously lying when they claim to have started out there. Just look at 'em. OK, maybe they came from "bizarro world" San Diego, the dark inverse of the shining California jewel by the sea. But all I see in their publicity shot is a black-and-white world of dazed and scowling people in need of a fresh shirt and bus tickets back from a long weekend in Tijuana.

"Escape from Balboa Park" just doesn't resonate. The post-apocalyptic Frank Lloyd Wright/Burning Man/Lego background is confusing. The army-surplus jackets and ill-fitting trousers just scream "homeless shelter." (Or is that a Chinese-y type jacket on the frontman? If so, not an improvement).

The Billy Jack haircuts on the two gentlemen on the right suggest they've been on tour too long. (The bowler hat and cane on the guy second from left, while a nice touch, is too little, too late).

The whole effect is not helped by the scary, antique font in their logo and "Greatest Hits" title on their website.

They'd do better to get matching uniforms and conform, like the fellows in that nice Blue Men Group.

Or go with a blonde surfer motif.

Don't watch the music video of Going in Blind from their Greatest Hits CD if you're easily depressed. It's a downer, with several people sitting in parked cars arguing or looking sad. And cold. The cars are older, unstylish models. Hey, did anybody ever tell these people that it takes more muscles to frown than to smile?

Update! I just realized that P.O.D. stands for "Payable on Death." It's all making sense now. It's Gospel of Grunge music. They WANT to look this way.

Let 'em. Whatever.


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