Too bad I'm not available....

No responses yet-- so check it out:

Photo: I'm not including a photo. I'm sure this will cost me some points, but I hope I can make them up elsewhere on the form. It's sort of a bold move, don't you think? Kinda makes a statement about the impermanence of the flesh and the temporary nature of our physical existence. Besides, I never seem to show up in photos... or in mirrors. Hmm.

Age: 34-ish. (When we finally tracked down my mom, she couldn't remember the exact year she left me at the YMCA)

Disposition: Intensely laid back, which sometimes manifests in a fiery, uncompromising Savonarola-like fury. But hey, whatever.

Ideal Mate: Someone just like me, except sorta foreign-looking.

Hobbies: Long walks in the forest with my trusty band of society's offscouring, robbing from the rich to give to the poor. I can take apart and reassemble a zither in under 8 minutes. I also collect stamps. And I'm a member of the Pheidippides Heritage Society, whose members run marathons hoping to die at the finish line.

Religion: Episcopalian. Wait-- scratch that. High Church Episcopal. But actually there's a strong vein of Calvinism that I picked up during my summer missions project with the farming family in Iowa. In fact, intertwined with the Calvinism (which is coming back-- see Time Magazine's March issue) is an equally intense dedication to social justice. But, hey, certainly not Liberation Theology. Ha, of course, if that were true I wouldn't tell YOU! Anyway, see the attached pdf with my thesis-length theological musings, or read my latest blog posting at www.skippy'sjesus.com. (Do not feel pressured to visit my online store for t-shirts or coffee mugs)

Education: Four years at University of Texas at Elm Mott. (One semester as cheerleader for the Fightin' Fire Ants! Yay!) Still working on my last remedial basketweaving course-- after that they'll send me my diploma, I think.

Employment: Poet-in-residence at our local public library. This is currently not a paid position, but there are a lot of perks. Access to the bathroom is a big perk. And the research information librarian will answer most any question I have. Really, it's a pretty sweet deal. The intern pays me 5 cents a book to help him reshelve while he curls up in the corner for some Second Life on his iPod Touch. That keeps me in Mountain Dew.

Turn Ons: Naked women usually do the trick, although as I get older, I sometimes need to slam down an extra Mountain Dew.

25 Random Things About God

1. Jeez, I never thought this "25 Random Things" deal would get so big when I first started circulating it.

2. Why's that airline pilot getting all my glory? After all, I put the Hudson river there.

3. I love getting up in the morning to watch the universe rise.

4. My Addictions: Coffee, "Lost," ultra-marathons (40 years is my limit), my crackberry, wreaking vengeance.

5. TODAY'S TO DO LIST: Start interfaith dialogue (always forgetting this), clean up environment, take out that terrorist training camp at 34 degrees 33'56.80 N 73 degrees 56'31.25 E.

6. I'm really sorry I took a short vacation--just a long weekend, really-- and caused that world financial crisis. Last time I took a vacation I came back and found Bush had stolen the election. Darn! But don't I deserve some time off?

7. Found out this week the music of the spheres is in the wrong format to load on my iPhone. Wouldn't you know it?

8. And yes, I have both a Blackberry and an iPhone. Are you really surprised?

9. My secret fear is that my solution to the problem of evil won't stand up to peer review.

10. I miss the Neanderthals.

11. Prosperity preachers may be surprised that I spend most of my time talking to chaiwalla slumdogs.

12. Don't worry, I'm planning to explain everything on the 400th anniversary of Darwin's birth.

13. Using the Sumerian numerical system, shouldn't I be through now?

14. I'm still a little nervous about that Large Hadron Collider.

15. Can someone please tell me where I left the Ark of the Covenant?

16. Lately I've been stitching together random DNA strings. Started out as a bracelet, but who knows what I'll end up with.

17. Sometimes I flash on being a sunflower and imagine I'm looking at myself.

18. I've been tinkering around with a new moral code. Here's an example: You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours... until you beg for mercy. (Hey, it's just a draft version).

19. What if I were the god of a universe that was really tiny and inside a much bigger macro-universe, controlled by a much bigger god? And what if that god were me, too? This is the kind of thing I think about just before I go back to sleep.

20. I'm tired of this. So I'm reversing the arrow of time, recalling all the world's "Random Things" postings, renaming them "20 Random Things" and chopping off the last five items to conform to what is now my new template. You'll never know the difference. (Most people don't realize it, but I do this sort of thing all the time).

---Skippy R., The Wittenburg Door