Davey & Goliath: The lost episodes

I'm back from the mountains, and kicking myself because I didn't get the chance to post about the most significant media event of the new millennium --the release of the lost episodes of Davey and Goliath last Tuesday.

(Because this happened on the same day that Halo 3 was released by Microsoft, many of you may have missed this news).

Surely you remember the series with a focus on moral quandries, produced in the 1960s by the Lutherans and created by Art Clokey, the guy who brought us Gumby. (A side note--Davey's close friend, Jonathan Reed, was African-American, perhaps the first African-American character to appear in a television cartoon, and one of the first African-American characters to appear as a friend of a television show's lead character.)

Nevertheless, the lost episodes include some that were removed because of political correctness issues--"Ten Little Indians" (withdrawn because of the use of the term "Indians"), "The Gang" (removed for violence), "The Watchdogs" (violence again), and "Down on the Farm" (for nudity--Davey goes skinny dipping, if you can believe it).

Here's a Quicktime movie in which Goliath tangles with a robot.

They don't make 'em like this anymore, unless you include the soulless Veggie Tales.


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A blogging break

Folks, I'm heading to California's Sierras for a week of backpacking with some friends. Manly adventure, male bonding and all that. If I survive, I'll try to post something next weekend. See you then.

--Skippy R.

Video: JewWalking

Just in time for Yom Kippur, which starts at sundown today, the National Jewish Outreach Program put Simmy Kay, narrator for MTV’s hit show Room Raiders, out on the streets of New York City for some JewWalking!

Simmy tracked down some Jews to ask basic questions about the Jewish religion, Jewish history and the Hebrew language. The answers are sure to surprise and intrigue you. Can you spot the kid with a bagel on his head? And remember .... thou shalt not covet your mother or father.

(If you missed Rosh Hashanah, you can watch Comedy Central's This Week in God and celebrate anyway.

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Faith and Fashion, exposed!

Can a fashion model be a Proverbs 31 woman? The people at Paradox say she can.

A story in the New York Observer examines the models, photographers, agents and fashion designers--male and female-- who are members of Paradox, the New York hub of Models for Christ. Besides helping each other survive the debauchery prevalent in the industry, the members discuss struggles with eating disorders and self-esteem issues.

The Idol Chatter Blog at Beliefnet.com points out that a group of male Latter-Day Saint missionaries who've just returned to the U.S. "have turned the Models for Christ concept on its head a bit by releasing a controversial calendar called 'Men on a Mission.'"

Could the hunky Mormon Men on a Mission whip the Models for Christ in a pickup basketball game? Would Cowboys for Christ clobber all of them? Stay tuned.


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The Miraculous Jesus Nightlight

More Jesus Junk:
This "miraculous" Jesus nightlight is a 3-D image of Jesus. "Your children may receive comfort, security, and relief from those sleepless and scary nights," the ad copy says. Or, they may be creeped out by the way his eyes seem to follow them around the room. We're renaming this the Homeland Security Surveillance Jesus Nightlight.

(via the now defunct kindakitschy blog)

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Video: It's a fine line...

Here's a youtube music video by the group Familjen that takes old footage of a Pentecostal worship service and edits it to seem like a rave party. It's all in Swedish, I think. Creepy and fascinating at the same time. All I can say is, do they have a Wednesday night service?

(via BoingBoing.net)


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A late farewell to Ms. L'Engle

Author Madeleine L'Engle died this month. A Wrinkle in Time blew my mind in seventh grade. The Wittenburg Door interviewed her in 1986 and 2000, and we've already noted her passing, but today I ran across a piece of a poem that could serve as her epitaph.

"This is the irrational season
When love blooms bright and wild.
Had Mary been filled with reason
There'd have been no room for the child."

~Madeleine L'Engle, The Weather of the Heart (1978)

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Frivolous posturing should be a crime

First we had Southern Baptist Wiley Drake imploring God to strike down those pesky lawyers at Americans United for Separation of Church and State.

Now, God's found himself on the ugly end of a lawsuit.

Ernie Chambers is suing God. The left-leaning, rabble-rousing Nebraska State Senator says he did it to prove a point about frivolous lawsuits and that "anybody can file a lawsuit against anybody -- even God."

The lawsuit says God has caused "fearsome floods, egregious earthquakes, horrendous hurricanes, terrifying tornadoes, pestilential plagues, ferocious famines, devastating droughts, genocidal wars, birth defects and the like."

OK fine. Jeremiah accused God of deceiving him, but I don't recall a suit being filed. Same with Job. I guess in our litigious society, it was bound to happen, but we hope this was all in jest.

As an abused victim, it might be wise for Chambers to request a protective order requiring God to stay 50,000 light years away.

Still, I'm gonna keep a few states between me and the good senator until all this blows over.

Update: God responds...


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Seminary searches for missing funnybone

Controversy is brewing at Trinity Evangelical Divinity School, where a group of students started a blog called The Secret Diary of D. A. Carson poking fun at distinguished evangelical scholar D. A. Carson. If you can follow the insider academic jargon, it's pretty funny. The site is written from the perspective of Carson and focused on his own "awesomeness." Here's a sample:

About Me: "I have a Ph.D., I've written over 45 books, I read 3 books a day, and I'm responsible for cultivating the minds of future pastors, teachers and missionaries. What have you done today?"

"...originally my parents named me Donald Arthur, but I had the "A." legally changed to "Awesome" in 1978 shortly after I definitively defeated J.I. Packer in a game of badminton. Old goat never even saw it coming...."

The seminary in Deerfield, Ill., asked the group to take down the blog. The bloggers politely refused. Hey, we're all in favor of poking fun, especially at pompous academicians. So read opinions about the brouhaha at evangelicaloutpost.com and then create your own fake diary of a self-important authority figure near you.


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Dr. Wha? Ex-term-i-nate!

St Paul’s Church in Grangetown, Cardiff, Wales, is planning a Doctor Who-themed service at the church Sept. 23. It seems the church was used as a location for an episode in the first season of the latest incarnation of the BBC science fiction series Doctor Who. The show is about a Time Lord from the planet Galafrey. The church was also pictured in a Doctor Who calendar. One of the organisers, Father Dean Atkins, said as a saver of the world, Doctor Who is "almost a Messiah figure." "We couldn't resist doing something for young people on a Doctor Who theme," added parish priest Father Ben Andrews.

[You should have resisted temptation a little harder, reverend. This idea would have been Dalek-tible 30 years ago. Timing is everything.]

• Fly the pretty creepy skies
Nepal's state-run airline has confirmed that it sacrificed two goats to appease a Hindu god, following technical problems with one of its aircraft. Nepal Airlines said the animals were slaughtered in front of the plane - a Boeing 757 - at Kathmandu airport. The offering was made to Akash Bhairab, the Hindu god of sky protection, whose symbol is seen on the company's planes.

[Again, they got this wrong. For a technical problem, the proper response is to sacrifice a technician.]

• Week's Worst Jesus Junk
The Golfer's Bible links "one of today's most popular sports with the most popular book the world has ever known." And don't forget to use the "Jesus is Lord" ball marker or alternately the "I Am God's Plan" marker to spread the word out on the green.

[Others prefer the "What Would Tiger Woods Do?" titanium executive putter polisher.]

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Web: Monkey bridge over troubled waters

Richard Dawkins and Duane Gish, please go to your separate corners. We're suspending the Evolution-Creation debate while we sort out a more colorful religious controversy in the news.

Hindu hardliners have been protesting a proposed shipping canal project between India and Sri Lanka, saying it would destroy what they say is a bridge built by Lord Ram and his army of monkeys as described in the Ramayana, a revered ancient epic.

Scientists and archaeologists say the Ram Setu (Lord Ram's bridge) - or Adam's Bridge as it is sometimes called - is a natural formation of sand and stones. Dredging the passage between Sri Lanka and the Indian mainland would reduce the passage around the Indian peninsula by hundreds of miles but would also damage the bridge. The government presented a report supporting the scientific view that the bridge developed by natural means and questioning the existence of the Hindu god Ram.

The opposition Bharatiya Janata Party responded with a scathing attack on the government, accusing it of "blasphemy" for questioning the "faith of the million." There also is a popular feeling that the bridge broke the power of the 2004 tsunami and stopped it reaching South India's coastline.

As a result, two directors of the government's archaeology agency have been suspended for presenting the report. An effort is being made to convince UNESCO to have the bridge declared an official World Heritage Site.

OK, you may now return to your previously scheduled, boring, western-style clash between science and religion.


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Web: Taliban fails Evangelism 101

This month's prize for worst evangelism technique goes to the bumbling but persistent Taliban.

The South Korean Christians held hostage by the Taliban in Afghanistan for six weeks this summer were offered an irresistible deal-- convert or die.

Despite having had years to work on their presentation technique after losing control of Afghanistan, the Taliban are still stuck in a rut, even when they try to use newer methods-- like video.

"The most difficult moment, when I had a big fear of death, was when the Taliban shot [a] video," said Yu Jung-hwa, a member of the group. "All 23 of us leaned against a wall and armed Taliban aimed their guns at us, and a pit was before me."

"They said they will save us if we believe in Islam. I almost fainted at the time and I still cannot look at cameras."

Another former hostage said they were beaten many times, sometimes with tree branches, or just kicked around . "They pointed a rifle and bayonet at me and tried to force me to convert."

Well, who could resist that? Maybe the Taliban didn't smile enough. Maybe if they'd offered everyone the World's Biggest Ice Cream Sundae. Maybe if they'd used a bigger tree branch. ...


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Web: The Fist of Fellowship

Mark Driscoll over at the Resurgence blog is the founder of Mars Hill Church in Seattle and does a bunch of other ministry stuff. He and his three young sons were watching an Ultimate Fighting contest the other day "in conjunction with our Old Testament Bible studies," he says in his blog. The brutal no-holds-barred fights have become popular Spike TV broadcasts in recent years.

These mixed martial arts competitions are also called Pride Fighting. "The gist of a fight is now pretty simple. Two guys of similar weight get into a ring and beat the Holy Spirit out of one another in short, five-minute rounds," Driscoll explains.

"Because I am a Christian pastor, I now need to find something that connects all of this to being a Christian. So, I'll just say that while young men are watching tough men compete, the reason they don't go to most churches is because they could take the pastor and can't respect a guy in a lemon-yellow sweater, sipping decaf and talking about his feelings."

Well Mark, we've found your perfect pastoral ideal. Meet Pastor Ntumi (see photo above of Ntumi and one of his Ninja lieutenants).

Ntumi, whose real name is Frederick Bintsamou, led a savage guerrilla war in the Democratic Republic of the Congo for 10 years, but now has become part of the government's peace and reparations ministry in return for disbanding his militia.

His ex-fighters, who call themselves Ninjas, are a "semi-religious group" still feared even though they've laid down their arms.

Pastor Ntumi, who is described in news reports as "a Protestant clergyman," has probably never watched Spike TV's Ultimate Fighting Championship (although the capital Brazzaville does get satellite TV reception). On the other hand, Seattle magazine has named Driscoll as one of the twenty-five most powerful people in Seattle.

But in a Texas death match, I'll bet Pastor Ntumi could "take" Rev. Driscoll, whether he's wearing a lemon-yellow sweater or not.

(I suspected there was a militant aspect to the "Mars" in Mars Hill, but I had no idea....Sheesh!)

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Web: Kaput ...like an Egyptian

The other day I was musing on my inability to fit in. I think each person has a deep need to feel like they're part of something bigger than themselves. Maybe even something really, really big. And even if I can't sense that while I'm alive, maybe I can when I'm dead. Why couldn't I be a part of something, let's say, that you could see from the surface of the Moon?

A German consortium has heard the cry of the millions and come up with an answer. They're offering us a chance for immortality previously reserved only for the pharaohs. For just under $1,000 we can have our remains squeezed into a memorial stone and added to a pyramid that will become the largest structure on earth--10 times the size of Egypt's Great Pyramid.

"As monumental as it is affordable, it serves those of all nationalities and religions. Individuals who are either unwilling or unable to have their physical remains buried there can also opt to have a memorial stone placed instead. Stones can be custom designed with any number of colors, images, or relief decorations. The Great Pyramid will continue to grow with every stone placed, eventually forming the largest structure in the history of man."

Uh, that means if only a few hundred thousand people go for this, it might end up being the biggest and ugliest pile of rubble on earth. Who's to say that years later you won't be hauled away to patch an overpass on the autobahn? And do I want to spend millennia next to that pink stone with the smiley-face sticker?

Never mind. I want my stone to be the color of barley and inscribed with, "Where Would Jesus Be Interred?" I can't wait.

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Uglyband: Neon Horsemen pass by. Please.

Neon Horse
Latest Release: Neon Horse
website
Tooth and Nail Records

Sometimes a band is either so ugly or has so little sense of style that the record company attempts to market the music without ever showing us what the band members actually look like.

This is never, ever a good sign.

Neon Horse, supposedly a conglomeration of members of 20 defunct Los Angeles-area music groups, released a CD in May. The mystery of the band's membership was hyped by Tooth and Nail Records. Scores of people had their curiosity piqued.

Despite the mystery, the identity of two members has leaked out. They are Mark Salomon, formerly with The Crucified, Native Son & The Foundation, Stavesacre and Outer Circle. And Jason Martin of Starflyer 59, Dancehouse Children, Bon Voyage and The Brothers Martin.

I've never heard of any of the groups, but if that's Salomon in the group's video, it's probably just as well he kept the makeup on. The content of the video is so disturbing I'm passing the information on to our Weekly Beastie file for further review.

I'd like to help them, but there's really not much to work with without real photos. The CD cover art (above) gives only a clear view of the groups' crotch.

Will Neon Horse ride their embarrassment into the ground? Will they be merely a flicker on the musical landscape? Will they expire with a whiney or an irritating buzz? If the group can overcome their shame soon, we'll be here waiting, with as much grooming, fashion and style advice as they can handle.

As the adage goes, you can lead a Neon Horse to Haute Couture but you can't make him show his face.

Pity.



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