Beastie: Jackalypto!

It's gotta be the Last Days.

The bees are disappearing. We got Iraq, school shootings, giant squids emerging from the depths of the sea, women cloning their own stem cells to create sperm. Some guy in Ohio is turning an airplane once owned by cult leader Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh into a luxury bed and breakfast.
The planet's going crazy.

But what we didn't have until now was a giant robot statue of Michael Jackson clanking around in the Las Vegas desert, shooting lasers.

That's right. Things are getting seriously apocalyptic.

"Michael Jackson is in discussions about creating a 50-foot robotic replica of himself to roam the Las Vegas desert," the New York Sun reported. "It is the centerpiece of an elaborate Jackson-inspired show in Vegas, according to Andre Van Pier, the robot's designer. If built, the metal monster would apparently be visible to aircraft as they come in to land in the casino capital."

I scratched Jackson off my Beastie list when he vanished after his molestation lawsuit. But I see now it was only a ruse. He's back, and more sinister than ever.

You only have to open the Bible to the Book of Daniel to find a fitting example of a giant robot created in one's own image. King Nebuchadnezzar built one, a 90-foot-high statue of gold that everybody had to worship (Daniel 3:1-30).

Compare that with the story in Revelation 3:14-16. The False Prophet will erect a statue to honor the Beast. He will breathe life into the statue and cause it to speak . The Beast will also dazzle mankind with signs and wonders, possibly a "moonwalk" or some such otherworldly dance move.

The Bible does not mention lasers, but I don't need to physically touch the robot's single white glove to know who the Antichrist is, and I don't think you do either

This isn't the first time Jackson has exhibited tendencies toward self-deity. At the 1996 BRIT Awards, Jackson mimicked a Christ-like pose of crucifixion. And don't forget about the song They Don't Care About Us from the HIStory album in 1995, when he was forced to change the anti-semitic lyrics "Jew me, sue me" and "kick me, kike me." In 2003, Jackson announced that he was working on a video to promote his album Resurrection, in which he plays a man who is resurrected from the dead.

As evidence goes, what more could you want?

I carefully fed the letters of the King of Pop's name into the slot, one by one, switched on the gematria calculator and pulled the lever. The columns spun crazily, like a Las Vegas slot machine. When they stopped, I could see we'd hit the payline.... almost. The total was 665.

I attribute the error to Jackson's extensive rhinoplastic surgeries. With that adjustment figured in, the numbers agree with the facts--six hundred threescore and six is the "number of a man," er, sort of. He's already told us he's Bad (1987) and Dangerous (1991).

Now we know--Captain Eo in Neverland is most assuredly the Antichrist, for this week anyway.

Web: Thank God I'm scamming you

First, a disclaimer: I really believe in being thankful and seeing the hand of God in every circumstance. But www.thankgodi.com is perhaps the creepiest website I've ever run across. I had to wait a few weeks before I could even write about it. (Thanks for nothin' Metafilter).

One woman's testimony, "Thank God I Died," goes completely over the edge.

"Yes, in 1975 at four years old, I was brutally murdered. The child left the body, and I came back ... a completely different person. Much older, much wiser, with actual memories from the '50s and '60s that I should not have had at four."

Sorry honey, I can't go there. Maybe you should write "Thank God I'm Loopy." Oops, that's probably already somewhere on the site, too.

Other titles include "Thank God I Had An Abortion," "Thank God I Have A Disfunctional Family" and my personal favorite, "Thank God I Am a Bitch."

"Renowned authors" John Castagnini and Amanda Kroetsch, who created the site, invite you to become a published writer, earn a royalty and "enter the world of e-commerce and earn high commissions on every sale referred by your site." And then there's this telling image. Maybe that's why it's creepy.

Something like this can give gratitude a bad name.



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Christian humor, satire, humor

Web: Tactical terrorist intervention 101

Paige Patterson, controversial president of Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary in Fort Worth, has managed to blame Virginia Tech students for the death of their classmates. I think.

In a chapel address April 18, he said:

“Now if you’re a male student, will you just lift your hand for a moment so I can see you? Thank you for that commitment. God forbid that anything happen like this here, but each of you that just raised your hand said, ‘Never be more than two or three shots before I’m on him. Doesn’t matter how many of us he takes out. ‘ See, all you had to do was have six or eight rush him right at that time, and thirty-two people wouldn’t have died. Now folks, let’s make up our minds. I know we live in America where nobody gets involved in anybody else’s situation. That shall not be the rule here. Does everybody understand? You say, well I may be shot. Well, yeah, you may. Are you saved? You’re going to heaven. You know, it’s better than earth . . . Now one more time, how many male students are there? I’m counting on you.”

Patterson has long worried that American society was turning young boys into pansies. At a Sportsman's Safari wild game dinner in Arkansas in 2003, he said, "You've got to make little girls out of your little boys," in our society. Little boys, he said, need three things--a dog, a gun and a dad. "Get him a gun," Patterson urged. "Not a play gun, but a real gun. Play guns are the most dangerous guns in the world."

Well... tell that to the Virginia Tech student body.

(Thanks to Ben Cole's Baptistblog for the tip).


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Christian humor, satire, humor

Beastie: Sanjay will be back

How did the shape-shifting amateur singer Sanjaya Malakar become a household name in America without even winning the American Idol contest? That in itself was a miracle. And the thought occurred to me, as it often does .... could this be the Beast spoken of in holy scripture?

Indeed, there was ample evidence pointing to something fishy.

After his defeat on the show, Sanjay let slip a peek into his startling, hidden spiritual agenda during an interview with EW.com:

"When I saw the show on Tuesday I felt like I was going home. I tend to be psychic because my name means ''Spiritual Psychic.'' If I am in any way, that was the point where it showed. I felt it in my bones that I was going home. On Wednesday I was just down in the dumps. People were coming up to me all day and saying ''What's wrong?'' I would say ''Nothing.'' I was just really quiet."

Sure enough, Sanjaya is a character mentioned in the first book of the Bhagavad Gita. The meaning of Sanjaya, according to a prominent yogi, is "one who has systematically acquired control over his organs of perception and action." The symbolic meaning is that one is able to see beyond the normal range if one has control of his body and mind. Thus, psychic powers. And thus, Beastie candidate for sure.

Consider: a former character in Hindu myth with psychic powers controlling America's mass media without apparent talents or gifts. I smelled a pact with the Evil One.

All the signs were there-- the 7-ponytail faux-hawk hairstyle, being booed at Dodger Stadium, being named “Today’s Girl” on Maxim Online.

The singer no doubt elicited extreme emotions. Some despised him.
"The first step in your Sanjaya Malakar obsession recovery: releasing the hate until you have no more hate to give," one website explained.

Others swooned. "Sangasm—A special pleasure only Sanjaya can bring upon a person," reads an entry in the Sanjay Malakar Dictionary.

An idolatrous Sanjaya doll baby was even for sale on eBay. And more ominously, there was the sanjayatheapocalypse.com website.

Excited by these prospects, I repeatedly ran his name through the galloping gematria gearsprockets, fine tuning the Wankel wedges and adjusting the eductor-jet pump, but all to no avail.

Numerologically, "Sanjaya Malakar" would only add up to 660, nothing more.

But, surprise! Using the alternate gematria method of the Order of Nazorean Essenes (admittedly not the top quality or latest, cutting-edge method of interpretation) the words Sanjay Malakar combined exactly to create the mystical number of the beast, 666.

Close enough for apocalyptic work.

Sanjay may be gone, but rest assured, we'll be seeing him again, all too soon.


Emergency Beastie Bulletin: What a week! Giant Michael Jackson robot planned for Las Vegas. Could Captain EO be the Antichrist? More soon....


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Christian humor, satire, humor

Web: Murder is bad for happiness

After 9-11, the Scientologists sent teams of volunteer ministers to comfort the victims at Ground Zero. Now they're also descending on Blacksburg, Va., following the Virginia Tech shootings, to share their book, The Way of Happiness by L. Ron Hubbard. Its 21 precepts include "Do not murder."

Here's an excerpt:

"The stupid, the evil and the insane seek to solve their real or imagined problems with murder. And they have been known to do it for no reason at all....The way to happiness does not include murdering of your friends, your family, or yourself being murdered."

Well, that certainly makes everything clear.

(Thanks to hollywoodinterrupted.com, via BoingBoing).


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Christian humor, satire, humor

Video: Supreme Master Television

Many of us have grown bored of religious broadcasting. If you've seen Benny Hinn knock down 500 people with his jacket once, you've seen it a hundred times.

Prepare to get interested again.

Welcome to Supreme Master Television.

On her worldwide Internet TV network, the blonde bombshell who calls herself Supreme Master Ching Hai explains the virtues of vegetarianism, meditation and her house full of small dogs. It's "positive" news and entertainment and inspiration, repeated at 6-hour intervals. Forever.

This is from her FAQ page:

Q: "Master, will I be able to find my dead relatives and communicate with them if I practice the Quan Yin meditation?"

M: "Dead relatives? Oh, sure, sure. But I am afraid maybe you don't like to go there. Some of your people are difficult to get in touch with. If you want to go such place, you need a Master. Otherwise you will be in danger. So it's not always good to see dead relatives.
"Now, you practice the Quan Yin Method, and some of your relatives, dead relatives will be immediately released from whatever suffering they have. If they are already in heaven, they will go to a higher level of heaven. If they suffer light punishment, they can go immediately, quick. If it's too heavy, then we have to negotiate."

Now that's chutzpah! Must be why she has thousands of followers worldwide.

Watch the video clip on "Words of Wisdom" at her website, www.godsdirectcontact.org. I love the creepy double-cobra logo that blasts off and the Disney rip-off graphics. (Is that the Sleeping Beauty Castle/Taj Mahal in the background of the intro? Or what?) In other videos this lady recites poetry and sings. She even offers something called the "convenient method" that gives you only a "taste" of enlightenment.

One major plus: Unlike Benny, Supreme Master Ching Hai never asks for money.


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Christian humor, satire, humor

Web: The Jerusalem Compass

You know the little plastic compass that sometimes came in a cereal box, along with your secret decoder ring?

Well, this is not that. This is the Jerusalem of Gold Compass, which "appears to defy the laws of physics" by pointing toward Jerusalem instead of pointing north.

Moshe Abraham, an Israeli Orthodox Jew and "a Torah Scholar with fear of Heaven," says he received divine inspiration to develop a way of reminding believers about the significance of Psalm 122:6, “Pray for the peace of Jerusalem: they shall prosper that love thee.”

It's even certified by the Rabbinic Sages of Jerusalem, who confirm that users "will be able to direct their prayers toward the holy site of the Beis HaMikdash, may it be rebuilt speedily in our days, amen." And the compass can be calibrated to work from any city in the world while you travel. It uses no batteries, circuitry or computer chips.

The thick gold lid is deeply embossed in the center with a Jewish Star of David and "Jerusalem" written in Hebrew and English. The compass itself is brass, with the outer edges encircled with a floral design of pomegranates found on many ancient carvings in Jerusalem from the First Temple Period.

Cost is only $39.67 for the first 250 customers.

Uh, if you're going out in the woods alone, we suggest you also carry a GPS unit, is case you want to actually abide by the laws of physics and get back to your car.


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Christian humor, satire, humor

Uglyband: Locked into dreads?

(Click for larger view)

Christafari
www.christafari.com
Latest Release: To the Foundation

Christafari is a controversial Christian reggae band founded by Mark Mohr. Controversial because some Christians think his Rastafarian look suggests marijuana use, and the Rastas think he's trying to pull a Jews-for-Jesus thing by masquerading as a true Jah worshipper of that Ethiopian Emperor.

The band was started in 1989, and it shows. The whole problem is the dreadlocks. They're not only out of style, they're a lightning rod for trouble.

People claim the hairstyle dates back to ancient Egypt and to the Vedic deity Shiva and his followers, who were said to wear their hair in that style.

At the turn of the twentieth century, Marcus Garvey found an enthusiastic following among the black population of Jamaica.The followers of this movement called themselves "Dreads," signifying that they had a dread, fear, or respect for God. Emulating Hindu and Nazarite holymen, these "Dreads" grew matted locks of hair, which would become known to the world as "Dreadlocks" — the hair-style of the Dreads.

Rastafarianism is something entirely separate. It was born in the 1930s when Ras Tafari was crowned emperor of Ethiopia. When the emperor was forced into exile during an invasion, guerrilla warriors swore not to cut their hair until the emperor was reinstated. Rastafarians smoked cannabis because they thought it prompted a clearer state of well being. Their dreadlocks were thought to be disgusting and frightening, hence the term "dread" which was later reclaimed by the "Rasta" community. The hairstyle was later brought into mainstream culture through the worldwide success of reggae artist Bob Marley.

Whatever its origins, for a busy musician, there are a lot of drawbacks to this hairstyle.

One dread-care site says, "If you swim or wash them a lot (more than once a week usually), your dreads can start smelling very funky and musty if you do not dry them out properly in the sun, with a blow dryer, etc. Mold can actually grow inside your locks if you leave them damp most of the time."

Hmm. Mold.

And here's a warning to reckon with: "If something weird has crawled into your dreads, laid eggs and is having a party in there - please, don't go into denial because you're afraid you might have to chop your dreads off... DEAL WITH IT IMMEDIATELY." Whoa!

Dreads are very high maintenance. You gotta have special shampoos and sprays and take precautions not to let smells embed themselves in the locks.

But Mohr and his band can solve all these problems. Just get rid of the dreadlocks.

I suggest the Knotty Boy Dreadlock Removal Kit for $25. You won't even have to cut your hair. Then-- "poof"-- everybody's happy and you can get back on the concert circuit, maybe with a more modern hairstyle, like the one sported by former president Bill Clinton, above.

Or even go with a more blow-dried, Don Imus/ Farrah Fawcett look. Hey, don't worry. You'll still look dreadful.



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Christian humor, satire, humor

Video: The Hallelujah habit

Too late for Easter, but here's a remarkable concert presentation of Handel's Hallelujah Chorus from youtube. No, that's not a gaggle of nuns. It's the Turtle Creek Chorale, the mostly gay men's chorus from Dallas, in some sort of religious drag.

It's not surprising the music is so good. Timothy Seelig, who's directed the chorale for 20 years, is a former Baptist minister of music and son of a former vice-president Southwestern Baptist Seminary in Fort Worth.

But actually, you may not want to listen to Handel ever again after you read this New York Times piece suggesting the Messiah itself was an anti-Jewish diatribe.

Is nothing sacred?



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Christian humor, satire, humor

Beastie: Don Imus and the biogas prophecies

Radio host Don Imus has been in the news for calling the Rutgers Women's Basketball Team, the Lady Scarlet Knights, "nappy-headed hos."

And I got to thinking, "what kind of name is Imus anyway?

So I put it into Google, and up came "bio-gas." That's right. IMUS is "a unique biogas system" based in Canada that can "process up to 100 tons of manure daily."

Aha! Now we're gettin' somewhere, I muttered.

And the connections just kept coming, as if divinely inspired. I found that Imus regularly calls women "skanks" and Arabs "ragheads." He famously called Rush Limbaugh "a fat, pill-popping loser." He hung up on Tucker Carlson, calling him "a bowtie-wearing ***sy." He charged that his "Jewish management" at CBS hates the blind and the handicapped. At the same time, he is one of the few people licensed to carry a concealed handgun for personal protection in New York City.

Hmm. Could Don Imus be that dreaded Beast spoken of in the Book of Revelation?

A letter in Salon asked, "Seriously though, isn't Imus starting to look downright Mephistotilian?" A telling comment, one of many on a trail he couldn't cover up.


Blasphemy has long been Imus' stock in trade. His early career included a character called The Right Rev. Dr. Billy Sol Hargis, a thinly veiled cross between disgraced fundamentalist preacher Billy James Hargis and real-life Texas fertilizer swindler Billie Sol Estes. As Billy Sol Hargis, Imus touted on-air the merits of the First Church of the Gooey Death and Discount House of Worship. His 1981 novel God's Other Son depicted Hargis's further adventures, and it went on to be a bestseller.

In 1977, WNBC fired Imus because of a fondness for cocaine and vodka and after missing a hundred days of work in one year. Then he turned over a new leaf, or so it seemed. He phased out Billy Sol Hargis, married a vegan, opened his New Mexico ranch as therapy for kids who have cancer, all perhaps as cover for his nefarious plans for world dominion.

Really, who could pull off all this without a Faustian transaction of some sort? And, Hey!-- "Lady Scarlet Knights?" Just transpose Lady Scarlet as "Scarlet Lady," and Imus' connection to The Great Ho becomes unmistakable.

The final clincher? (This will give you goose bumps). The name Imus turns out to be linguistically similar to Iblis, the Islamic name for Satan."

It was time to put this bag of bio-gas to the Hebrew gematria test.

With trembling hands I placed the character markers for "J. Donald Imus Jr." into the Ronco Weekly Beastie numerical slicer and dicer. After a minute and half, it came to a frothy foam. I turned off the machine and waited for the confection to settle.

The numbers added up to only 664. Darn! But by counting punctuation marks each as a "one," the numbers could morph into the more visually pleasing 666, the Number of the Beast.

The result clearly shows God is "disappointed" with Imus' "inappropriate" remarks, not to mention his plans to replace all the world's governments with his own.

Don Imus will be punished to the max-imus for his on-air remarks, never fear. Not by being fired, but by his perpetual immolation in the Lake of Fire, along with his on-air crew, the False Prophet Charles McCord and the antichrist Bernard McGuirk.

Recede, da locum, exi, discede!



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Christian humor, satire, humor

Web: The gospel of elbow grease?

Scrub a dub-dub, the Cross scrub brush is here!

The New York Times reports that the pious can now use a replica of the first century instrument of execution (and symbol of the Lord's Passion) to clean gunk off their bathtub tiles.

“Some people have become very upset about it,” said its creator, Ian Stallard of the London design firm FredriksonStallard.

The brushes were meant to provoke controversy, but blasphemy was never their goal, he says.

Inspired by the religious hysteria after 9/11, Stallard originally planned a series of brushes in the shape the world's best known symbols of faith. But he settled on the Cross as the object least likely to cause uproar.

“I think Christianity may be a little bit more open to criticism,” he said.

And a little bit less likely to Fatwa yo' hiney, right Ian?

You can buy the scouring brush for $128 or the lint remover for $95.



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Christian humor, satire, humor

Nothing but dust

...an Easter message from Iraq

"He killed death."
-- From Melito of Sardis' Passover Homily, c. 160 A.D., concerning the resurrection of Christ.

Our good friend Robert Fox has been in Iraq for a year, preparing food for Coalition forces and periodically donning his kevlar and running to a bunker during rocket attacks. He's homesick:

Passover Greetings from Iraq,

I undoubtedly will miss the Passover seder this year, but trust you will have a good one.

Lately I have been homesick, and it seems funny, as old as I am, to be this way.

What is homesick? And how to we get it, and where does it come from? The simplest answer I arrived at is that homesickness is when the life in you has no place in your present surroundings.

I get it when I understand this, and ultimately it comes from the life of Christ in you. Passover calls us to remember who we are, where we are from, and where we are going.

I long to be with you in this feast and talk of the going out of Egypt, and drink the cup. My comfort is the understanding that I am a part of something larger than myself and my present surroundings.

I walk upon sand and dust from the first kingdoms of the earth, and nothing remains of their glory. I wipe their dust off my TV screen so I can watch Tom and Jerry.

The point is that only one constant has remained true since the beginning of history: leave Egypt. The world is nothing but dust.

Have a great Passover.

Love, Robert

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Have a Blessed Easter!

From Michael Walker, one of our favorite door artists! See more of his illustrations here.



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Christian humor, satire, humor

Web: Media Jesuses we have known

How does a postmodern Christian prepare for Easter weekend? By reviewing the many media Jesuses we have known and loved, of course.

Entertainment Weekly provides the venue today as it "looks back at a dozen actors who've played the Son of God on screens large and small." My personal favorite (although I never saw the movie) is Will Ferrell in the 1999 film Superstar. The "critically reviled" movie included a character called Father Tylenol Ritley. Ferrell played a laid back, advice-giving messiah. Of course, Ferrell's no Max von Sydow, but...

Runner-up: Jeremy Sisto in the 1999 TV movie Jesus. He went on to play Brenda's seriously troubled brother, Billy, for five seasons on Six Feet Under.


Media Jesuses still proliferate.

The Coca Cola Company has taken legal action against producers of an Italian film set in present day Israel in which Jesus drinks a can of Coke in the desert. Seven Kilometers From Jerusalem, released today, centers on a Milanese ad exec having a midlife crisis who makes a pilgrimage to the Holy Land.

In the desert, near the biblical Emmaus, the ad man gives Jesus a ride on his Jeep, hands him a Coke, and, while Jesus is quenching his thirst, says: "My God, what a testimonial!"

The film was reportedly well-received by the Vatican, but not by Coke, which demanded that the scene be cut.

Next week we'll review "My Favorite Judases."


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Christian humor, satire, humor

Web: Doing church the Reformation way

From our culture desk comes word of what is probably the perfect TV series for readers of The Wittenburg Door.

The Tudors, a 10-part series on Showtime starring Jonathan Rhys Meyers as Henry VIII, Jeremy Northam as Sir Thomas More and Sam Neil as Cardinal Thomas Wolsey, is shot almost entirely in the bedroom and the church, according to Beliefnet.com's Idol Chatter blog.

"The series basically switches back and forth between explicit sex scenes between Henry, his boys, and the ladies of court, and the power struggles of the various Cardinals trying to keep their war-hungry kings in check."

As a history buff, I now have a new reason to save up for cable.



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Christian humor, satire, humor

Beastie: The Senator from Illinois

His full name is Barack Hussein Obama Jr. He's a senator from Illinois, author of The Audacity of Hope and Dreams from My Father. But don't be fooled just because he's articulate and bright and clean, as fellow Sen. Biden pointed out.

CNN mistakenly put his name as a caption on a story about Osama Bin Laden, so he must have a mysterious shadow side.

First, notice the strangeness of his name. It sounds almost foreign. Sure enough, “Barack” means “blessed” in Swahili. And that's not all. It means the same thing in Arabic. Ditto in Hebrew. It is also a Sufi term referring to a sense of "divine presence" or "charisma."


Charisma? Uh-oh. Already he's sounding like a certain Carpathian character in those Left Behind books.

In Berber areas, rings and amulets decorated with words or phrases from the Koran are thought to contain a "baraka" and are important in dealing with darker forces and curing illnesses. (Recall Sen. Obama's emphasis on health care).

There's more.

Baraka, according to the apocryphal Book of Jubilees, was the wife of the antediluvian patriarch Jared. And Obama is a city the Fukui Prefecture of Japan, the capital of the Obama Clan, where philosophers would compose waka (31 syllable poetry). These are unrelated bits of information, possibly planted to throw us off course. Luckily, we're used to malevolent misdirections. We'll ignore them.

I'm most troubled by the Senator's Mortal Kombat connection (see photo above, right).

Baraka is a character in the Mortal Kombat video game who belongs to a race of nomadic mutants, later revealed in Mortal Kombat: Deception as a crossbreed between vile Netherealm demons and denizens of Outworld.

In addition to all this, the senator if a smoker.

Are alarm bells going off for you yet?

By feeding his name into our gematria machine, we find that according to Caballistic numerology, the name "Barak Hussein" adds up to 666. Right off the bat. No need to even add in his last name.

Hmm. Such a nice Christian public servant, turning out to be the Antichrist. I think we all agree Obama's pastor, Rev. Jeremiah Wright of Trinity United Church of Christ, needs to at least give the senator a severe talking to about all this.

Voting for him, of course, should be out of the question.


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Christian humor, satire, humor

Video: And God created chunky

This video calls us to experiment: "The next time you open a brand-new jar of jam, jelly, or peanut butter, let's find out how good of a scientist you are!"

I notice this principle mostly when I crack open a cold pint of Guinness, not a jar of peanut butter.

Oh. You're not familiar with the Julia Child theorem of the origin of life? Here's a transcript of the video, The Kitchen Laboratory, if you want to follow the logic more closely.

I love Chuck Missler's wacky theories on Bible prophecy and other stuff. I've read his newsletter for years. But, um, this may not be the best approach to debunking the evolutionists.

Back to the drawing board.

(Thanks to onegoodmove.org)



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Web: 'A savour of ...death unto death'

The world's first spiritual perfume, called Virtue, has been introduced by IBI, a niche fragrance company in Orange, CA. It's based on a "Biblical formula" and is "designed to be a reminder of God, Christ, spiritual self and soul."

IBI discovered that the forbidden fruit was probably a pomegranate or an apricot. They opted for the apricot, and added essence of apricot to the fragrance. "In a subtle turning of the tables, apricot now assists as a simple reminder of our Divine associations and spiritual intent."

The website tells us how to use the perfume:

"Be . . . Still . . . honor your sacred Self, and begin whatever spiritual practice is your preference. All the while, Feel, in the Stillness, the Presence that is your Spiritual Self. Smell your wrist. Let Virtue’s scent wrap this Awareness with it’s unique character that is slowly transitioning into your own Signature version of Virtue®. In time, your association with the fragrance will give you the ability to transition to a Spiritually Centered state, almost instantaneously. For Christians, we call this practicing the Presence of God, the Holy Spirit or Christ. Being Christ Centered."

Um, "smell your wrist?"

Anyway, "Almost every religion and spiritual system worldwide acknowledges that many individuals of high spiritual attainment give off a fragrance attributed to their virtue."

This would explain why no one wants to sit by me on the bus.

Any company with the chutzpah to trademark the term "Virtue" has gotta have something going for it. Maybe I'll send off for the stuff. It's only $80 a bottle.



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Christian humor, satire, humor

Video: The Barack Obama Jesus

Forget that old chocolate Jesus controversy. The new chocolate Jesus has arrived.

A piece of art showing Senator Barack Obama as Jesus Christ is now on display at the School of the Art Institute of Chicago.

No other flavor has yet been reported.



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Christian humor, satire, humor

An announcement from our editor

We have tweaked our friend the Rev. James Dobson pretty regularly in the past, particular for his involvement in politics. And when Dr. Dobson called for the resignation of the Rev. Richard Cizik, president for the National Association of Evangelicals, because he believed that Cizik was spending too much time worrying about global warming and not enough time spent on “core” Religious Right issues, such as abortion and same-sex marriages, we gigged him pretty hard then, too.

However, we received this e-mail this morning from Dobson’s Focus on the Family ministry and we think it is a remarkable document. It is probably the most honest, most revealing statement ever made by the normally carefully controlled Dobson.

So, in the spirit of Christian reconciliation, we’re making available Dr. Dobson’s complete statement, without editorial comment. (If you would like to send Dr. Dobson an e-mail of support for his courageous reassessment, we’ve kept his contact information at the end of his statement.)

Perhaps he should rename it FICUS on the Family

– Robert Darden,
Senior Editor, The Wittenburg Door

---------------------------------------------------------

Colorado Springs, CO
Dear friends and supporters:

Since my ill-advised attack on my dear friend Dick Cizik a few days ago, I have had an extraordinary week of reflection and spiritual enlightenment.

Through the counsel of godly men, such as the Rev. Dr. Jack Hayford, the Rev. Rick Warren, Richard Stearns (President, World Vision), David Neff (Editor, Christianity Today) and other members of The Evangelical Climate Initiative (www.Christiansandclimate.org), I’ve come to see that my assessment of Dick’s motives and, in fact, “global warming,” have been in error as well.

I have been guilty of a particularly pernicious form of short-sighted Dispensationalism, believing that since the earth has no future with the blessed Second Coming nigh, we, as Christians, have no responsibility to care for Creation.

Through loving testimony, instruction and careful study of the Bible with these and other mentors, I no longer believe that Dick is – as I said earlier, much to my regret -- guilty of a “relentless campaign” to save the planet at the expense of what I called more “serious” issues, such as same-sex marriage. I see now that I have strictly exploited those issues and others like them to manipulate my audience and as a calculated and callous form of fund-raising.

As part of my penance for my unmerited attacks on a courageous, godly man, I have initiated contact with both the Rev. Jerry Falwell and Don Wildmon, with the earnest desire to convince them of the error of their ways as well. While both continue to condemn what they call “earthism worship,” I will continue to pray that this revelation will be made available to them as well.

As for the rest of my penance, I will devote the rest of my career – however long the Lord sees fit to continue in this capacity – to working with my Christian brothers and sisters to insure that all life on the planet, God’s first and greatest gift to us, is protected and cherished.

God bless you all,

Jim Dobson

Focus on the Family
8605 Explorer Drive
Colorado Springs, CO 80995
1-800-232-6459

www.family.org



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