Religion News Wrapup

• Falwell Follow-up
What would you pay for Falwell's watch fob? Hundreds of items related to the Rev. Jerry Falwell have been put up for sale on eBay since the televangelist's death two weeks ago, including an autographed bobblehead doll that went for $145. An autographed 1978 Bible given to contributors to Falwell's Liberty University early in its construction sold for about $90. (Hey, my parents had one of those Bibles).

Here's an example: a copy of Falwell's book Fasting Can Change Your Life, perhaps a book he should have studied more carefully.

The strangest fact is mentioned casually further down in the article--there is a "Jerry Falwell Museum" at Liberty University. I did not know that. Here's a photo I found, showing arch-atheist Richard Dawkins slipping into the museum, up to no good I'm sure.

• Organista demoted
Rev. Dean Dombroski, a priest at St. Joseph's Catholic Church in Loveland, Ohio, has removed his church's organist and choir director from her duties saying her sale of sex toys was not "consistent with Church teachings." Linette Servais, 50, says a brain tumor and treatment left her sexually dysfunctional. Selling spa products and sex toys at homes parties allows her to help other women who have similar problems. "Father Dean made it sound so sinful," she said.
Uh, that's why he makes the big bucks, Linette.

• Diversion of the Day
Does anybody know what all this is about? Here's a video from CNN's Funny Lunch feature about a "God Phone" conspiracy.
"Jack butterfield, the world's most inasiable buried treasure booty grabber, has been tasked with finding the God Phone. But he's got to beat the infamous Cabal to do it!"
Yuk it up.



Technorati Tags: Falwell,
Christian humor, satire, humor

NostraDOORmouse returns

[Sorry for the gap in postings. Mrs. Skippy is still recuperating from her bike accident and really pressing me on this "in sickness and in health" care-giving thing.]

I'd like to take an unusual turn in this Weekly Beastie entry.

You remember the 16th-century French seer Michel de Nostradamus (1503-1566), right? He was all over the news back during Y2K. Not so much lately, though.

That's why I was elated to see it's almost time for the release of John Hogue's latest book, NOSTRADAMUS: The War with Iran. 'Bout time, I'd say. For the book, that is.

Hogue's promotional blurb says he "does not only research and interpret the 400- year-old Nostradamus quatrains. He brings his own prophecy gift to bear on the events unfolding now— which no other 'authority' on Nostradamus is able to do."

But Hogue fails to answer the most pressing question of the day: Who will win the NBA playoffs?

I did some of my own research here. Several quatrain seemed to apply:

"Before the coming of Celtic ruin,
In the temple two will parley
Pike and dagger to the heart of one mounted on the steed,
They will bury the great one without making any noise."

Well, the Celtics' season was "ruined" early on and ended with a 91-89 loss to Detroit back in April, so that's obviously out of time sequence. "The Great One," Dirk Nowitzky, although named MVP, went down "without making a noise" with the rest of the Mavs early in the playoffs.

The "one mounted on the steed" would be the Cavaliers, and they're currently down 2-1 against the Pistons. This quatrain says don't bet on LeBron James to pull it out. (I guess a piston probably looked like a pike to a 16th-century guy.)

But I'm really more interested in the Western Division anyway.

Here's something in Century 4, Quatrain 79:

"Blood Royal flee, Monheurt, Mas, Aiguillon,
The Landes will be filled by Bordelais,
Navarre, Bigorre points and spurs,
Deep in hunger to devour acorns of the cork oak."

Obviously, after a night celebrating with French wine, the Spurs will be too exhausted to clinch the victory over the Utah Jazz and later will "devour acorns of the cork oak" in the locker room, referring to an ancient NBA traditional purging after bitter losses.

Although "jazz" is not mentioned at all in the Nostradamus prophecies, music is:

"Second and third, which make prime music, By the King to be sublimated in honor: Through the fat and the thin almost emaciated."

This means the Jazz will win three, but only just scraping by with an "emaciated" victory to clinch the division championship.

And the Championship series itself?

Unfortunately, the quatrains are silent.

UPDATE: The Spurs are in the championship game after all. Perhaps this was really all about hockey.


Technorati Tags: Nostradamus,
Christian humor, satire, humor

Web: Telefono Blasphemioso

First, you'll need a short definition of pre·sump·tu·ous:
"Overstepping due bounds, overconfident or venturesome; impertinently bold; audacious; rash; taking liberties unduly; arrogant; insolent, rude and disrespectful."

Now, on with the news.

The gadget blog Gizmodo reports a proclamation from Tomi T Ahonen, self-proclaimed "world's leading 3G strategy consultant," that the Apple iPhone should be seen as the Jesusphone.

"Much like the Western calendar marks time from before and after Jesus Christ, and how the computer world changed totally by the Macintosh—remembering that Windows is Microsoft's copy of the Mac operating system—I am certain that the mobile telecoms world will count its time in two Eras. The Era BI: time Before the iPhone, and the ERA AI: time After the iPhone."

You can see the original post here, if you, uh, really want to.


Technorati Tags: iPhone,
Christian humor, satire, humor

Web: Testosterone Revival

It's time to ask again the age-old question, "Who Would Jesus Thump?"

Joseph Freid, a youth group leader at Redeeming Love Fellowship in Shreveport, La., will fight Cale Grady of Waco, Texas, in an amateur mixed-martial arts main event at Harrah's Louisiana Downs.

"I'm trying to rip his arm off or beat him until he can't talk straight for a week," Freid told the Shreveport Times. "Fighting in the martial arts requires self-discipline. There is a code that is involved with it if you're going to do it well. And it requires a certain amount of self-sacrifice. That is very much in line with being a Christian."

"The Bible says 'love everybody,' said Freid. "It doesn't say you can't beat on them at little."

Somebody tell Paige Patterson we've found the new associate professor of pugilism for Southwestern Seminary.



Technorati Tags: martial arts,
Christian humor, satire, humor

Bush & Moon, together again

The Washington Times newspaper will mark its 25th anniversary Thursday, May 17, with an extravaganza. Former President George H. W. Bush will give the keynote address. The Rev. Sun Myung Moon, probably decked in glowing robes, will deliver the founder’s address.

Moon, head of the controversial Unification Church, claims to be the messiah and "True Parent" sent to complete the failed mission of Jesus Christ. He founded the conservative Times newspaper in 1982.

According to Mother Jones Magazine, Bush and Moon have been rather close lately:

The Houston Chronicle in 2006 obtained evidence that Moon’s Washington Times Foundation had contributed $1 million to Bush’s presidential library using the Greater Houston Community Foundation as a conduit.

The deal came to light in a rather roundabout way. When he was asked if Moon’s $1 million went to the library, Jim McGrath, the family spokesman, told the Chronicle, “We’re in an uncomfortable position. … If a donor doesn’t want to be identified we need to honor their privacy.” He was then asked whether the money was meant to suggest to the Bush family that the time was at hand for President George W. Bush to grant Moon a pardon for his 1982 conviction [for conspiracy and filing false tax returns] McGrath replied, “If that’s why he gave the grant, he’s throwing his money away. … That’s not the way the Bushes operate.”

Nevertheless, the Religious Right had always been more cozy with Moon than you might expect. In 1997, Jerry Falwell (may he rest in peace) accepted $3.5 million from a front group representing Moon to ease Liberty University's financial woes.

None of this is actually humorous, but it is sorta funny, ya know?


Technorati Tags: Sun Myung Moon,
Christian humor, satire, humor

Uglyband: Beyond Magnified Plaid

(Click for larger view)

MXPX
www.mxpx.com
Latest release: Let's Rock

MXPX has been a pop-punk staple since they released their debut album Pokinatcha 12 years ago. But what kind of name is MXPX? Here's how the band explains it:

"It's an abbreviation for the original name, Magnified Plaid. We always used both MXPX and Magnified Plaid, but Magnified Plaid didn't fit on the flyers of any decent size, ya know, so we always had both. And later decided Magnified Plaid was a dumb name. So we stuck with MXPX."

Which, of course, in NOT a dumb name....

OK, sure, they were correct to change the name. But it also shows they are wobbling on a very faulty style foundation. Plaid is never appropriate in a rock or punk band, ever.

MXPX has had many looks and styles through the years. I like their early, innocent days best (see photo at left). Clean lines. Simple outfits. Superhero motif. It's been downhill since then.

The band can sometimes reveal a decided lack of political correctness. Asked about the references to heartbreak and lost love in their songs, one member explained:

"Yeah. Girls can be really lame. But they can also be really cool though, ya know?"

Oops. Broke rule No.1. Don't challenge your audience with too many cutting-edge ideas. I recommend leaving the romantic philosophizing to others and sticking with what you guys know best. Tattoos.

In the concert photo (at top), examine carefully the intricate body art designs etched into the players. These are essential to helping a musician "get his groove on." But what about after hours? When you go home, to church, out to dinner, you don't want to draw attention to yourself and embarrass your friends or family. So, in the photo (at right) of the group relaxing at home, you'll notice that the tattoos are gone.

Yep, these guys know the importance of leaving work behind at the office. If they follow my advice, stay away from plaid, practice hard and keep their wits about 'em, someday they may make a splash in the music pond.

Watch their Pepsi commercial that debuted during the Super Bowl.



Technorati Tags: MXPX,
Christian humor, satire, humor

Video: Cute terror muppet wows Gaza Strip kids

When a large black-and-white mouse appears on the TV screen, the kids quickly gather around. But this is no Mickey Mouse show. It's Farfour, the lovable terror muppet. (Farfour translates as butterfly).

Farfour's comedy schtick consists mostly of pouring invective on the U.S. and Israel. He appears on a Gaza Strip children's show Tomorrow's Pioneers broadcast each Friday on Al-Aqsa TV, which is owned and operated by Hamas.

Children call in to the show, many singing Hamas anthems about fighting Israel.

"You and I are laying the foundation for a world led by Islamists," Farfour squeaked on a recent episode of the show. "We will return the Islamic community to its former greatness, and liberate Jerusalem, God willing, liberate Iraq, God willing, and liberate all the countries of the Muslims invaded by the murderers."

Watch a translated clip from the show here.

Isn't he just adorable?

Um, I thought I'd never say it, but I'm nostalgic for Barney: "I love you. You love me. We're best friends like friends should be...."

UPDATE: Farfour's show has been pulled off Hamas's television station for "review," Palestinian Information Minister Mustafa Barghouti said May 9. Barghouti said the use of the cartoon character in such a role represented a "mistaken approach" to the Palestinian struggle against Israeli occupation.

UPDATE TO THE UPDATE: Hamas-run television defied the Palestinian government May 11 by airing Farfour's show again. Stay tuned.


Technorati Tags: Al-Aqsa TV,
Christian humor, satire, humor

News: Mormon-Evangelical bliss; mimesis gone wild

OK, James Carville and Mary Matalin as a couple is one thing. But this.....

• Libit and Tom have been happily married for 26 years. She's a Mormon. He runs an anti-Mormon ministry. Over the years, thanks to Libit, Tom has softened his evangelism tactics. When she rides in his car, he removes the magnet that advertises his Web site, WhatMormonsDontTell.com.

_____________________

• This next story is complicated, so follow the logic closely.

1) The woman who sold a grilled cheese sandwich that she claimed resembled the face of the Virgin Mary for $28,000 wanted to remember the holy food with a tattoo.

Uh... OK. We can sorta see that.

2) According to the Associated Press, the sandwich, which was bought on eBay by GoldenPalace.com [a casino site] in 2004, was on display in front of Miami Ink Tattoo Studio in Miami while Diana Duyser had the image from the sandwich tattooed near her heart.

Near her heart? Ouch!

3) "We all believe in certain things, OK, and this is what I believe in, and this is what I want near and close to my heart. She'll be there forever," she said.

Oh, whatever.

Grilled cheese + miracle + tattoo = eternal security. Fine.



Technorati Tags: Mormons,
Christian humor, satire, humor

Web: Let there be 'Bible Fight!'

From the demented folks at Adult Swim (via Metafilter), comes a flash-powered arcade game for students of scripture. We don't quite know what's going on here, it could possibly be blasphemous, but....

"In the beginning, there was a contest of strength amongst the most prominent figures in scripture to determine the mightiest. The tale of the great rivalry was thought lost forever. Until now.
Let there be Bible Fight!"

Technorati Tags: Bible Fight,
Christian humor, satire, humor

Signs of the End Times: Spinal Tap reunites

The mock heavy metal group immortalized in the 1984 mockumentary, This Is Spinal Tap, will reunite for a performance at Wembley Stadium in London as part of the Live Earth concerts scheduled worldwide for July 7.

Director Rob Reiner has created a 15-minute sequel to the movie partly to promote the event. The short can be viewed here.

For the band -- whose last album was 1992's Break Like the Wind -- the occasion warranted a new single: Warmer Than Hell. A peek at the lyrics shows the song has a spiritual dimension:

"The devil went to Devon, it felt like the fourth degree/
He said, 'Is it hot in here, or is it only me?'"

Since we last saw them, Nigel has been raising miniature horses to race but can't find jockeys small enough to ride them; David is now a hip-hop producer who also runs a colonic clinic; and Derek is in rehab for addiction to the Internet.

The group is not really on top of the global warming problem, Reiner told the Associated Press.

"Nigel thought it was just because he was wearing too much clothing -- that if he just took his jacket off it would be cooler."



Technorati Tags: Spinal Tap,
Christian humor, satire, humor

Beastie: Jose Luis De Jesus Miranda returns

Remember Jose Luis De Jesus Miranda, the guy who claims he's both the Antichrist and the reincarnation of Jesus? We profiled him in a previous Weekly Beastie and proved conclusively he wasn't the Antichrist. But now I'm not so sure.

Miranda filled an Orlando amphitheater and drew Christian protesters last weekend. The news media didn't know quite what to make of him.

The most striking thing about this video clip is the trouble the Orlando newscasters have talking about Miranda, who claims he's known as God in 30 countries. They note he uses the methods of the televangelists-- traveling with an entourage and suggesting donations. Isn't it all "interesting" they chirp.

They're obviously not used to dealing directly with the minions of the Evil One, as we are.

Here's a photo slideshow of the purported Antichrist at his Florida wing-ding. Warning: The news crew might be in league with Miranda. Only the Antichrist would insert a commercial in the middle of a photo slideshow.



Technorati Tags: Jose Luis De Jesus Miranda,
Christian humor, satire, humor

Web: Mitt Romney and the limits of literacy

When asked his favorite novel in an interview on the Fox News Channel, Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney pointed to Battlefield Earth, a novel by L. Ron Hubbard, the founder of Scientology.

“I’m not in favor of his religion by any means,” Romney, a Mormon, said. “But he wrote a book called Battlefield Earth that was a very fun science-fiction book.”

Asked about his favorite book in general, Romney cited the Bible.

The Book of Mormon doesn't even rank?

Hubbard, whose Scientology back story itself reads like bad science fiction, set the novel in the year 3000 AD. Earth has been ruled for a millennium by an alien race, the Psychlos (hairy, 9-foot tall, 1,000-pound sociopaths who look a lot like John Travolta). Humanity has been reduced to a few scattered tribes in isolated parts of the world, while the Psychlos strip the planet of its mineral wealth. Why, it's a story ripped from today's headlines!

The Economist called Battlefield Earth "an unsubtle saga, atrociously written, windy and out of control" while the respected sci-fi magazine Analog criticized it as "a wish-fulfillment fantasy wholly populated by the most one-dimensional of cardboard characters."

But perfect light reading for a one-dimensional candidate, we suppose.

Sure, there's no accounting for taste. But do we want a copy of Battlefield Earth on the president's nightstand in the White House? Just the thought is enough to max out my e-meter!


Technorati Tags: Mitt Romney,
Christian humor, satire, humor

Web: God says debate a slam dunk

Thank God! Somebody's finally coming to the Almighty's defense.

Actor Kirk Cameron (Left Behind series, Growing Pains) and best-selling author Ray Comfort (Intelligent Design vs. Evolution - Letters to an Atheist) will square off with two atheists in New York on Saturday, May 5. ABC will broadcast the entire debate on ABC.com on Wednesday, May 9 at 1 p.m. EST. A shortened version of the debate will be aired later on Nightline.

Comfort, who claims he can prove the existence of God scientifically, without mentioning faith or the Bible, will be given 13 minutes to do so. "We will not only prove that God exists, but as an ex-atheist I'll show that the issue keeping so many people from believing in God--Darwinian evolution--is completely unscientific. It's a fairy-tale for grownups."

But, uh, what's Kirk Cameron gonna do? Show evidence of the divine by combining sacred dance, performance art and presumption... or something?

We'll see. But God assures me, He's relieved. It's a slam dunk.

Meanwhile, while you're waiting, enjoy Comfort's Intelligent Design vs. Evolution Board Game (see photo at right).



Technorati Tags: atheist debate,
Christian humor, satire, humor

Web: Time for the news roundup

(Sorry for the gap in blog postings. My wife had a bicycle accident and smacked the concrete. So I've had my caregiver cap on).

Here's what we've missed in the news:

Visitors to the Gaia Napa Valley Hotel and Spa won't find the Gideon Bible in the nightstand drawer. Instead, on the bureau will be a copy of An Inconvenient Truth, former Vice President Al Gore's book about global warming.

(I suppose they'll also take those paintings of Jesus off the wall and put up framed photos of Deepak Chopra).

On the other coast, officials take a less tolerant view of all this New Age folderol.

Alerted to an obscure state law banning fortune-telling "for gain or lucre," Philadelphia authorities have closed at least 16 storefront fortune-tellers, astrologers, phrenologists and tarot-card readers. One fortune-teller alleged discrimination, according to the Philadelphia Inquirer. He noted that critics "considered that Jesus was a psychic, a fortune-teller, and they crucified him."

Of course, folks out in Mormon country display the most common sense:

Utah County District Chairman Don Larsen has submitted a formal resolution at the Utah County Republican Convention to oppose what he calls the devil’s plan to destroy the country through illegal immigration, according to the Salt Lake Tribune.

"In order for Satan to establish his 'New World Order' and destroy the freedom of all people as predicted in the Scriptures, he must first destroy the U.S.," his resolution says. "The mostly quiet and unspectacular invasion of illegal immigrants does not focus the attention of the nations the way open warfare does, but is all the more insidious for its stealth and innocuousness."

The devil? That's "El Diablo" to you, Don. Get used to it.


Technorati Tags: An Inconvenient Truth,
Christian humor, satire, humor