Amazing Stories: Falwell, nuns, potholes

• Before his death, Jerry Falwell arranged a deal to take water from a spring on the campus of his fundamentalist Liberty University and sell it as Liberty Mountain Natural Spring Water... just as environmentalists were announcing that bottled water is not eco-friendly and is a WASTE OF MONEY!

• A would-be thief in Madison, Wis., came up empty-handed after trying to rob a nun. Why? She had taken A VOW OF POVERTY! The robber apologized to the victim and wondered if he'd be forgiven by her and the Catholic Church. Police later arrested the thief on a probation violation and tentative charges of kidnapping, burglary, battery and possession of drug paraphernalia. He has not yet been formally charged.... or forgiven.

• A smudge of driveway sealant resembling the face of Jesus Christ has fetched more than $1,500 in an online auction. But the owner is a Lutheran who considers the smudge just an odd occurrence — NOT A SIGN OR MIRACLE! Deb Serio, a high school teacher in Virginia, hired a contractor to remove the section of concrete for sale. But digging large slabs of concrete our of your driveway can sometimes have unexpected consequences. See below.

• Earth opens and SWALLOWS MINISTER'S CAR! Rev. Ralph Massey said he pulled into an empty parking lot to turn around when the ground gave way beneath him, pulling his car into a hole that was about six feet deep and 12 feet wide. “I was praying as I was going down. Lord don’t take me yet,” Massey said. “I tell you, that is a scary thing.” Transportation officials are examining the hole for a cause. Rev. Massey is examining his conscience.

• Americans United for Separation of Church and State, a watchdog group, asked the IRS to investigate the church of Wiley Drake, a former officer in the Southern Baptist Convention, because Drake had used church letterhead and his church-supported radio show to endorse Republican Mike Huckabee in his run for President. Wiley responded by CALLING DOWN CURSES against the Americans United staff. To justify his action, Wiley cited Psalm 109, in which the psalmist asks God that his enemy's "children be fatherless, and his wife a widow." (He did not cite Jesus' namby-pamby call to turn the other cheek).

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Jerry Falwell, Christian humor, satire, humor