The Door: Oprah's Favorite!

There are many ways for a religious satire magazine to get media "play" and increase subscriptions.

We could, for instance, take a hostage. Or hit Barack Obama in the face with a pie. But these would be wrong. At least the first one.

When producing a top-notch collection of hard-hitting interviews, hilarious cartoons and disarmingly clever satire just doesn't work, a publication starts to thrash around for a quick fix.

So we've decided to try to get on Oprah's Favorites List. This is the monthly list of Oprah's "favorite things." Oprah-recommended books become best sellers. The "O" factor will put your sales through the roof, they say. In December her list included the Cuisinart Mixer, Lobz Ear-Warming Headphones and lots of other things, like fresh fruit.

Fresh fruit?

WHO IT'S FOR: Your favorite nephew, who just rented his first apartment in the big city.

WHY HE'LL LOVE IT: Whenever his monthly box of succulent organic fruit arrives, he'll remember that someone back home loves him. Plus, he can honestly tell his mom he's eating well.

If "fresh fruit" can make it onto Oprah's Favorite's List, then so can we. We want to be Oprah's Favorite Religious Satire Magazine.

First we sent Becky Garrison out to the Crystal Cathedral to glean Robert Schuller's best positive thinking bromides. We wrote them down and put them under our pillow. Then we sent a $25 vow of faith to Robert Tilton with a special secret prayer we hope he prays over. But that's pretty doubtful. Next we e-mailed our buddy The Amazing Randi in hopes he knows a cool bit of prestidigitation that could insert our name at the top of the Oprah pile. He has yet to respond.

All we can do now is wait... in our Oprah-endorsed Penguin Slipper Boots, "traditional European slipper boots of comfy boiled wool, delightfully transformed into a menagerie of whimsical designs. From Germany."

Check back in a few weeks.

Oh, and that whole Barack Obama pie-in-the-face thing I said earlier? Forget it. Oprah's campaigning for him now. (Whew, that was close).


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