The number of the candidates

Amid the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat during the Super Tuesday primaries, let's not forget some uncomfortable information provided recently by the Beastie Machine.

Some months ago, we examined Sen. Barack Obama for any hint of association with the Beast spoken of in the Book of Revelation:

First, notice the strangeness of his name. It sounds almost foreign. Sure enough, “Barack” means “blessed” in Swahili. And that's not all. It means the same thing in Arabic. Ditto in Hebrew. It is also a Sufi term referring to a sense of "divine presence" or "charisma."

Charisma? Uh-oh. Already he's sounding like a certain Carpathian character in those Left Behind books.

And we also took a hard look at Sen. John McCain. We found some disturbing facts. For instance:

The name "John McCain" has embedded within it the cursed appellation of history's first recorded murderer: Cain, the elder son of Adam and Eve.

In the case of both these candidates, we fed their names into our Beastie Machine and found the numerical values correspond closely with 666, the number of the Beast.

Don't worry. We'll examine the other candidates soon.

We post this merely as a public service announcement. Please return to your post-primary celebrations.

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