Uglyband: The Almost paradox

The Almost
http://www.thealmost.com
Latest release: Southern Weather (Virgin Records/ Tooth and Nail Records)

The Almost reminds me of the classic Paradox of Zeno in which the Tortoise and Achilles prove that because distance can be infinitely divided into fractions, moving an infinite number of small intermediate distances will take forever.

In the world of style, that's what The Almost is facing.

The band includes Aaron Gillespie (lead vocals and guitar), Jay Vilardi (guitar), Alex Aponte (bass) and Kenny Bozich (drums).

Mostly we'll just talk about Gillespie. He performed all the instruments and vocals on the album. The other band members were put together for touring purposes, and they are obviously being held against their will, as the photo above clearly shows.

First let's consider Gillespie's tattoos and piercings. He has collected a tasteful montage of markings, but I noticed that his lip ring somehow migrated to his nostril from one interview to the next. Sometimes it vanishes entirely. This is confusing to fans. They want to look at a certain body part and find the piece of bling they expect, not have to interrupt their reverie to formulate mental questions like "where'd that ring go?"

In the wardrobe department, the most troubling accessory is the white belt. He seems to wear it with every outfit. Maybe this is the only belt he has. Maybe it's a special "good luck" belt. Whatever it is, it needs to go. Even suspenders would be an improvement.

The "regular guy" look of '70s track suit, T-shirts and jeans can only hold him back from bigger things. To break out of the pack, you need some flash. This is what The Almost lacks.

In the public relations area, The Almost has not been well coached.

In one interview, Gillespie reveals he's inspired by his Seattle-based producer Aaron Sprinkle. “And it turns out we have a lot in common. He wears a lot of hats and plays every instrument."

[Hats! That's what Gillespie needs. Where are the hats?]

Imagination? He'll never be another Dylan with song titles like Everyone Here Smells Like A Rat and I Mostly Copy Other People, two tracks from the album.

Personal charisma? Here's a sample of Gillespie's interview style:

Have you ever looked in the mirror and seen someone else?
Aaron: Most days I do.
What do you guys do with your friends when you’re on tour?
Aaron: This, [being interviewed] hang out, talk, light stuff on fire.
Jay: Eat...Burn stuff.
Aaron: With fire.
What is one thing that would make you want to give up performing?
Aaron: If I killed people when I did it.
If you could take one Disney character with you on tour who would you take and why?
Aaron: "I’d probably take Piglet because that’s my nickname and it just seems obvious. I used to be really fat, and people started calling me that a long time ago."

Free pointer: Never, ever get people to call you Piglet. Look at what happened to Elton John.

As a Christian musician, Gillespie of course has a faith testimony:

"We all believe that Jesus died on the cross for our sins and rose three days later. That’s what I believe in every aspect of my life. Being a husband, being a father (if I was a father), being a banker, being a musician, whatever I do I want to follow Christ the best I can to emulate his life."

A banker? Was this a Freudian slip? Unless you tighten up your public persona, Aaron, you won't be in the music business much longer, let alone making deals in the boardroom.

But don't despair. With the proper guidance and maybe a subscription to GQ, all is not lost.



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