Author J. K. Rowling is getting constant media exposure these days with the double release of the final Harry Potter novel and another Harry Potter film.
A debate continues in Christian circles about the possible benefits and dangers of the Potter series. Some are proposing that the novels extol Christian virtues and promote themes of redemption and self sacrifice.
Hello! These books are about a school for wizards, for heaven's sake.
Besides, I have some bad news for the "positive" crowd. There is now solid evidence that Rowling could possibly be the Antichrist spoken of in the Book of Revelation. Just picture thousands of kids standing in line outside a bookstore to get the Mark of the Beast on their foreheads and you'll realize the seriousness of the situation.
Let's look at the evidence. Rowling is a member of the Church of Scotland. She once said, "I believe in God, not magic" and cites C. S. Lewis as an influence. Early on she felt that if readers knew of her Christian beliefs, they would be able to "guess what is coming in the books."
Poppycock. Everyone knows England is a country teeming with demonic activity, and has been for centuries. Their funny accents alone should be reason for wariness.
Some insist that the Potter books are getting kids interested in reading again. But do we really want children seeking out books on their own--ones that their elders haven't approved--and roaming around libraries and bookstores unsupervised? Unbridled imagination and curiosity can be a dangerous thing.
That's why I decided to collect as much information as I could about Rowling, Potter, Hogwarts et al and feed it into the Beastie machine.
Initially I was stymied. Combinations of "J. K. Rowling" and "Harry Potter" produced nothing. The machine was silent for "Avada Kedavra" and "Voldemort." "Quidditch" produced a yawn and a sputter.
Could I have been wrong? Could the Harry Potter phenomenon actually be a good thing?
My last submission resolved the question once and for all.
Feeding in the author's initials "J. K." and then her real name "Joanne" produced a total of 140. Next I added in the euphemism for the evil Lord Voldemort, "He Who Must Not Be Named." According to the ancient Kabbalistic gematria formula, that combination "J. K. Joanne He Who Must Not Be Named" totaled 666.
Sure, the Bible says 666 is the number of "a man" but we mustn't quibble, what with the outcome of the cosmic Quidditch match hanging in the balance. Cobbing, flacking, snitchnipping and blatching are all fair in this struggle.
I say it's time to haversack this Quaffle once and for all.
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Harry Potter, Christian humor, satire, humor
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Beastie: Quaffle-pocking the Antichrist
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15 comments:
that was the dumbest thing ive ever read....not harry potter, yout article. take a hint you moron...its fiction. maybe if you spent less time looking for evil, you'd have enough time to battle the everyday evils of the world. poverty, murder, theft, and all of the other horrible things happening at this very moment. think about it...would God rather have his servent joining to help a cause/mission trip or sitting on their butt in front of a computer in their basement while they google He Must Not Be Named? in case you weren't aware, God did not write the bible...therefore it is not a wholly unbiased work. the writers chose to write from their point of view...whatever God inspired them to write. evidence of this simple fact can be found in Matt, Mark, Luke, and John...some parts are the same, but they each have their own spin on the stories they present. additionally, I'm pretty sure the Bible is heavy on Love Thy Neighbor...nowhere does it say "if you want to." get over yourself you pathetic human being. go help a cause instead of creating a movement against seven books and a middle aged mother. its a waste of time and you're not helping anyone.
how can you say JK Rowling is the AntiChrist when there are places where women and children are stolen from their homes and forced into a life of prostitution? or how about everything going on with the sudan? or how about the murderers, sex offenders, theives, and the corrupt? how about the genitle mutilation practices? how about the killing of innocent bystanders who are so unfourtunate to have been born in a war torn country? if God wanted an average woman with an immense imagination to be the AntiChrist...how would he expect his followers to recognize it with the REAL evil thats out there? You're full of senseless babble. Don't you have something better to do? Help the innocents in Darfur, make a care package to one of te poor souls thrown into Iraq? If JKRowling is the AntiChrist...why does she help so many charities...while you're bashing her online?
Um... I don't usually have to say this, but.... it's satire.
--Skippy R.
One of the dangers of blogging, I guess. Maybe now they'll look deeper into your website and realize what an amazing magazine you have here. Or that you accuse someone of being the Anti-Christ on a weekly basis...
I for one would love my own Beastie Machine. Four balls in Quidditch = Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse? I guess I'll never know.
These arguments are so silly. Any idiot knows Bob Darden is the Antichrist.
It amuses me when people get on the internet and proceed to spew such as we see above and then refuse to put their name to it.
Dork.
Eric
Well, "Anonymous" #2 did have a point about senseless babble.
Just for the heck of it, you should enter "anonymous blogger" into your machine. I'm not too optimistic myself, but it could be fun.
At first I thought Anonymous might be a cleverly disguised attempt to draw out the satire. It reads funnier that way, at any rate- so much moral indignation! Such a stirring invocation of Darfur and of thy neighbor! Such disdain for the fundamentalist constraints of capitalization!
I find it amazing thatthis anonymous person not only MISSED the obvious satire... but proceeds to expound his/her psycho-bible-babble to the extent that another "Like minded" individual had to get THEIR two cents in as well.
It actually creates a nice little parable... because one of the things that have always got under my skin is when Christians witness to others (most likely right down Romans Road), but NEVER take the time to find out who the person is, what they are about, or anything about them... They just go right through their script and never actually communicate.
Does anyone remember about 5 years ago when "the Onion" printed an article about JK actually admitting she was trying to teach kids satanism. A certain Baptist news organization picked that up and ran with it, never checking the source of the article. Experts of it ended up on the church bulletin of a church I USED to attend.
Stranger than fiction indeed.....
Kerry Leigh
Right on, Skippy. I used to think differently until I realized that all my problems began when I let the Harry Potter books into my home. Now we've burned them, and my life is blissful once more.
how dare you attack a poor, unfourtunite mother and struggling artist as the antichrist? why are you spenidng your time fighting someone who can't fight back when there's genitle mutilation practices? how can you attack jk rowling when there are people in the world getting really nasty cuts from sharp edges on tin cans, or innocent children tripping over loose shoelaces? this is unbeliveaible. why don't you worry more about public restrooms that are insufficiently cleaned, or the very very strong possibility that the northern reticulated pipsqueak may lose its habitat?
besides, we all know giuliani is the antichrist, so leave the poor woman alone.
finally! thanks to the wittenburg door mag for revealing it all! as an avid potter reader, err, researcher (really, i'm just reading those works of you know who (no, not him, her!) for research!) i've to add that it's really a stroke of devilish genius to deliver the whole saga in seven books!
this should be recommended, err, banned reading all over! >:-)
You're the most stupid and dumbest blogger the internet has ever produce. J.K Rowling the Antichrist because J.K + Rowling + The One Who must not be named = 666? Let me say this again: you are the dumbest blogger the internet has ever produced. Seriously1 seriously, how old are you, seriously? We've got George Bush, we've got Islam, we've got Osama Binladen and you ignore these people to accuse J.K Rowling as being the Antichrist? Seriously1 seriously! let me say this again: you are the dumbest blogger the internet has ever produced. Go check your facts right because you are so dumb that Mundungus Fletcher will beat you at arithmetics. Let me say this for the final time, seriously: You are dumb. Dumbly dumber.
Dumb, yes. But at least I recognize satire when I read it.
Satire, is that your defense? Wow! some people do suck at comedies. For your information, there was nothing satire about your post; I suggest you learn how to use the proper words and phrases when trying to be comical because your blog sounded as solid as a stone; seriously.
However, if your intention was truly comical then I must apologize for my earlier comment although I still can't find anything satirical about your post; seriously; you take the bull by the horn and expect everyone to laugh. Harry Potter has received so many unfair criticism, it is easy for folks to get the wrong idea from your blog, so I suggest you distinct your choice of words from criticism.
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