Actor Russell Crowe says he plans to be baptized in the Byzantine chapel he built on his ranch in Australia.
"I do believe there are more important things than what is in the mind of a man," he told Men's Journal. "There is something much bigger that drives us all. I'm willing to take that leap of faith."
(We should have seen this coming. He used to sing in a pub band called "30 Odd Foot Of Grunts." Now his band is called "The Ordinary Fear of God").
At any rate, here's how the ceremony will go:
Priest: "Do you renounce Satan, and all his angels, and all his works, and all his services. and all his pride?"
Crowe: "You're damn right I do. By the way, nobody told me I had to be naked."
Priest: "Yes, usually the child is naked when he's immersed in the baptismal font during the Sacrament of Chrismation. Just as we came out of our mother's womb naked, so we emerge naked out of the womb of God. C'mon, you took a class on this."
Crowe: "But I'm an adult."
Priest: "An adult? Didn't you assault that New York City hotel employee with a telephone a few years back? And what about all the bar fights? Even your publicist can't work with you because of your temper. Your actions show you have the emotional development of a six month old. Now please..."
Crowe: "I've got a Beautiful Mind to smack you into Ash Wednesday, reverend. But I got all my pugilistic urges out of me in Cinderella Man. Sure, I played a bad guy in 3:10 to Yuma, but in American Gangster I'm a crusading policeman on the side of the angels. Not only that, I banned sexy cheerleaders from my rugby league team and eliminated gambling from the sports club I own. Give me a break."
Priest: "Of course, you're right, my son. The whole emphasis of baptism is not on what we do, but on what God does. Now, if you think you can get through the 12 articles of faith in the Nicene Creed, we'll get started.
Crowe: Unleash Hell!
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3 comments:
You don't get immersed in the baptismal font during Chrismation.
OK, I love the Door, but I don't get this post. Are we making fun of people now because they are getting baptised? This seems to be a long way from exposing greedy televangelists who use the gospel for financial gain.
Or is it just me?
OK, I love it that Crowe is getting baptized. Key phrase (from the actual Orthodox baptism liturgy): "The whole emphasis of baptism is not on what we do, but on what God does."
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