Madonna addicted to holy water?

Madonna's got a $10,000 a month water habit. A Kabbalah water habit.

We can imagine her at the 12-step meeting, "Hi, my name's Madonna, and I'm a Kabbalaguaholic." Apparently, she guzzles the $5-per-bottle, specially blessed Kabbalah water nonstop--"one of her fitness secrets."

There's some theology behind all this, as put forth at www.kabbalahwater.com. I hesitate to post it all, but it is inspiring.

Kabbalisitcally, water was there "In the beginning..."

["Kabbalisitcally?" Do spelling skills degrade with use of this water?]

"Originally, the primordial waters of the earth were free of any and all destructive or negative energies. There could be no drowning. There could be no floods or tidal waves. Water could only heal, nurture, and help. At the time of Noah's Flood, the negative consciousness of humanity had become so intense that even every element of the world was affected. It was then that the destructive potential of water came into being. The negativity of humanity brought about the dual nature of water that had never existed before. Since that time, water has been both creative and destructive, both healing and harmful.

"But the founding Kabbalah rabbis discovered that a truly sharing consciousness, channeled through certain Kabbalistic blessings could return water to its primordial state of completely positive, healing energy. Kabbalah Water came into being -- and its miraculous powers of restoration and healing became available to the world. Infused with sharing consciousness, Kabbalah Water manifests water's primordial capacity to heal and protect."

But how does this all happen, you might be thinking? Or were you dozing off?

The Scientific Evidence

"The Kabbalistic blessings... bring about elegant and balanced crystalline structures in water. ...The scientific findings regarding Kabbalah Water are fascinating and important [Indeed, we'd like to see some scientific findings]. But the essence and foundation of Kabbalah Water is the consciousness of sharing which infuses it. Once, all the waters of the world were imbued with this consciousness."

Troubled Waters

The Kabbalah Centre has come under criticism in the past for claiming their water could treat cancer. The centre responded that its water is a "spiritual tool" but would never be offered as an alternative to medical treatment.

"The Kabbalah water is undergoing scientific research at the moment, so I can't yet talk about the results," said Yael Yardeni, who teaches at the London Kabbalah Centre. That was in 2002. Presumably, research is still progressing.

Meanwhile, Madonna has urged the British government to use Kabbalah water to clean up radioactive waste.

Good for what ails you?

Back in 2001, under a program promoted by Katherine Harris, Florida’s former Secretary of State, a rabbi and a cardiologist worked with researchers to test “Celestial Drops” on canker-infested orange trees, according to the Orlando Sentinel. A state scientist declared that the “product is a hoax and not based on any credible science.” The product, it turned out, was merely water. Kabbalah water.

None of this bothers Madonna. She just keeps drinking her Kabbalah water, at home, working out, and during her concerts, too. A lot of Kabbalah water. Like, 25 cases of Kabbalah water.

We can only hope she slakes her thirst soon.

Intervention

But are we all guilty of codependency in this? Will it end with Madonna in a spiritual flophouse somewhere, bumming change on the street and hustling for her next bottle? Maybe her fans need to intervene, in a non-judgmental way of course. But remember--when actually confronting (sharing with) her, speak for yourself, using "I" language e.g., "I was hurt when ..., I was angry when ...," rather than saying, "What you did was awful." Such language raises the defenses and shuts down communication.

Here at Kabbal-Anon, we know that Kabbalah water addiction is neither a sin nor a crime. It's a disease. Madonna needs to know we love her, and just want her to get well.


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