An Anti-Valentine for You

“To mortals, what a dreadful scourge is love!” --Euripides, Medea

I stapled it on the wall in plain view.

But this morning when I got to the office, the crumpled little white paper lunch bag with my name on it didn't contain any Valentines.

Not that I really expected any.

A few cubicles over, I heard the secretaries talking about a new Valentine's Day phenomenon this year called "say it with bitterness" cards.


One card starts out with the traditional, "Happy Valentine's Day" but continues, "Even though we both know it's over."

Some overly syrupy Christians portray the Bible as a Valentine from God to the world. But what's the hidden Valentine's Day message in, say, Jeremiah 7:

"I called you, but ye answered not.... therefore I will cast you out of my sight, as I have cast out all your brethren"?

Today, Jeremiah instead might have opted to send this actual "bitter" Valentine card:

“They had shared a moment,” it reads, “A lifetime commitment was completely out of the question. Happy Anti-Valentine’s Day (for the woman who knows what she doesn’t want.)”

At any rate, we chose Valentine's Day to start our new Door blog, and we hope it will contain as much zip as those hot cinnamon Valentine hearts. (Didn't get any of those, either. Darn).


What to Look For--


This blog will have some regular weekly features, like the Ugly Christian Band of the Week, where we'll review the most important aspect of any Gospel/ Christian music group-- its style.

We also plan to have a Weekly Beastie, in which we'll apply numerology to current news to find out the latest candidate for the AntiChrist.

And as soon as our tech guru can put it together, we'll have a weekly Mime Audio Podcast. That's the feature where celebrity mimes act out significant religious news of the day, like Ted Haggard getting a massage.

There'll be a lot of other surprises, too. Parody songs, loopy religious news. Plus comments from readers to sift through.

Even links to videos like this one, a Fayetteville, Ark., church whose ads are too steamy for local newspapers. (PG-13-rated Valentine's Day message included).

Stay tuned.

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Christian humor, satire, humor