Have you got your's yet? I'm talking about your "666" tattoo.
Maybe you've seen the news. Jose Luis de Jesus Miranda, a 61-year-old pastor in Florida, says he is Jesus. And the Antichrist. Yep, he says he's both.
With thousands of followers in more than 30 countries. church members say they have proof that their minister is divine and that their church will one day soon be a major faith in the world.
But isn't that a rather limited goal for a divinity? Sure enough, there's more. The church calls itself the "Government of God on Earth" and uses a seal similar to the Great Seal of the United States.
All I know is they'll have to arm wrestle the Religious Right for the "Government of God on Earth" title.
Anyway, back to the tattoos. De Jesus (yeah, that's his last name) has a "666" tattoo that he got it in prison in Puerto Rico. Now all his followers are gettin' 'em.
In the interest of truth, we decided to put De Jesus through the The Weekly Beastie Challenge, in which we apply our Beastiecode algorithms, using ancient cabalistic gamatria numerology (the accepted method to pinpoint the Antichrist). Does his name add up to 666? Alas, we were disappointed. Here are the results:
"De Jesus"= 4+5+10+5+100+300+100 (Total: 524)
For the full name "Jose Luis de Jesus Miranda" the breakdown is "Jose"= 10+60+100+5 (175) "Luis"= 30+300+9+100(439) "De Jesus"= 4+5+10+5+100+300+100 (524) and "Miranda"=40+9+90+1+50+4+1 (195). That's a grand total of 1,333.
Even taking the consonants only in Hebrew, "De Jesus" adds up to only 604--not the winning number.
And, even if you take the latest scholarly research that proposes 616 as the Number of the Beast, De Jesus fails the test again.
I'm afraid De Jesus isn't Jesus or the Antichrist. He's neither.
And I hope that tattoo you got is the rub-off kind.
Watch for more Weekly Beastie calculations. And please post a comment with any names you suspect may fit the bill.
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Christian humor, satire, humor
2 comments:
Time to rain on Mr. Jesus' parade...
Jesus Christ never existed and a long list of researchers and authors have produced overwhelming evidence of this. Likewise, I've published comprehensive proof that the Book of Revelation and other New Testament narratives are deceptive rewrites of earlier Hebrew symbolic texts, most of them authored by the Teacher of Righteousness of the Dead Sea Scrolls (me). I've fully reverse-engineered and documented the ancient wisdom symbology used to construct Hebrew wisdom narratives and prophecies.
Once you learn to truly understand ancient wisdom symbology, which has long been obfuscated and misrepresented through religion and mysticism, the Bible reveals a very interesting and damning story against religion and exposes all three so-called faiths of Abraham as Roman inspired fraud! Jesus Christ is a central aspect of these strong delusions (2 Thess. 2:11) as are Mr. Miranda's and his ilk's money-inspired deceptions.
Christianity is in fact the "false prophet" symbolized in the Apocalypse. The Seven Seals are the same thing as the Seven Spirits of God and Wisdom's Seven Pillars of Proverbs 9:1.
Here is Wisdom !!
and here too...
Seven Star,
On your several websites, I see you claim to be the reincarnated Teacher of Righteousness from the Dead Sea Scrolls, the long expected Hebrew Messiah and Lion of the Tribe of Judah. I can see you're a connoisseur of numbers. Having carefully read your 600-page pdf online book, I, uh...
Oh, come on. Let's just get right down to it, OK? You want me to submit your name to the Beastiecode algorithms, don'tcha?
Fine. A private session, just for you.
Let's see. We'll try Lawrence W. Page, Buddy Page and of course Seven Star Hand. Load 'em right into the hopper. Spin the thing around. Hmm. All your names check out. You're not the Antichrist.
But wait. If you spell your name Laurence Paige and use the middle
initial R instead of W, (believe me, I have very good scholarly reasons for doing this) well--my goodness. The numbers don't lie. You're the Beast himself.
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