Beastie: Jackalypto!

It's gotta be the Last Days.

The bees are disappearing. We got Iraq, school shootings, giant squids emerging from the depths of the sea, women cloning their own stem cells to create sperm. Some guy in Ohio is turning an airplane once owned by cult leader Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh into a luxury bed and breakfast.
The planet's going crazy.

But what we didn't have until now was a giant robot statue of Michael Jackson clanking around in the Las Vegas desert, shooting lasers.

That's right. Things are getting seriously apocalyptic.

"Michael Jackson is in discussions about creating a 50-foot robotic replica of himself to roam the Las Vegas desert," the New York Sun reported. "It is the centerpiece of an elaborate Jackson-inspired show in Vegas, according to Andre Van Pier, the robot's designer. If built, the metal monster would apparently be visible to aircraft as they come in to land in the casino capital."

I scratched Jackson off my Beastie list when he vanished after his molestation lawsuit. But I see now it was only a ruse. He's back, and more sinister than ever.

You only have to open the Bible to the Book of Daniel to find a fitting example of a giant robot created in one's own image. King Nebuchadnezzar built one, a 90-foot-high statue of gold that everybody had to worship (Daniel 3:1-30).

Compare that with the story in Revelation 3:14-16. The False Prophet will erect a statue to honor the Beast. He will breathe life into the statue and cause it to speak . The Beast will also dazzle mankind with signs and wonders, possibly a "moonwalk" or some such otherworldly dance move.

The Bible does not mention lasers, but I don't need to physically touch the robot's single white glove to know who the Antichrist is, and I don't think you do either

This isn't the first time Jackson has exhibited tendencies toward self-deity. At the 1996 BRIT Awards, Jackson mimicked a Christ-like pose of crucifixion. And don't forget about the song They Don't Care About Us from the HIStory album in 1995, when he was forced to change the anti-semitic lyrics "Jew me, sue me" and "kick me, kike me." In 2003, Jackson announced that he was working on a video to promote his album Resurrection, in which he plays a man who is resurrected from the dead.

As evidence goes, what more could you want?

I carefully fed the letters of the King of Pop's name into the slot, one by one, switched on the gematria calculator and pulled the lever. The columns spun crazily, like a Las Vegas slot machine. When they stopped, I could see we'd hit the payline.... almost. The total was 665.

I attribute the error to Jackson's extensive rhinoplastic surgeries. With that adjustment figured in, the numbers agree with the facts--six hundred threescore and six is the "number of a man," er, sort of. He's already told us he's Bad (1987) and Dangerous (1991).

Now we know--Captain Eo in Neverland is most assuredly the Antichrist, for this week anyway.