The headline grabbed my attention: "Coulter's anti-Semitic comment too dangerous to ignore."
Oh my! I searched through the Internet to find out who this Ms. Coulter could be, and why she had said such bad things about Jews. But it turns out the whole thing's overblown. She's not anybody important at all, just a conservative commentator.
On a CNBC talk show the host asked her what an ideal country would be like, and she replied that it would be one in which everyone was "a Christian." The host, who happens to be Jewish, protested that Coulter was advocating his people's elimination. She responded that she simply hoped to see Jews "perfected" through conversion to Christianity.
So you see-- nothing really newsworthy after all.
But it set me to thinking. What would be the perfect camouflage for someone who was planning to reveal him- or herself at the end of time as the Antichrist? Wouldn't a Bible-believing conservative commentator be the last place anybody would think to find the Beast who will ravage the planet as described in the Book of Revelation?
I decided to look more closely into Ms. Coulter's history and career.
Born in New York City.... Member of the Order of the Coif secret society at the University of Michigan Law School.... Likes to read books about serial killers. This spring she called John Edwards a "faggot" and excused the murder of abortion doctors. Her new book is titled Godless. All very suspicious.
Coulter says that she holds Christian beliefs, but has avoided disclosing her membership in any particular denomination. Hmm. Is she ashamed? (As a Baptist, I can fully understand). Or is she hiding something?
Occasionally, the dark side pokes through her facade, like when she lashed out at her critics: "I'm a Christian first and a mean-spirited, bigoted conservative second, and don't you ever forget it" (quoted in a July 2006 Editor & Publisher article).
Sure, all the right Christian doctrinal beliefs are there-- pro-life, anti-evolution creationism, her quaint version of redemption: ("Jesus' distinctive message was: People are sinful and need to be redeemed, and this is your lucky day because I'm here to redeem you even though you don't deserve it, and I have to get the crap kicked out of me to do it.")
But wouldn't a deceiving "father of lies" feign theological agreement in order to bide his time before unleashing a ruthless End Times rampage?
Although masquerading as a journalist, Ms. Coulter's thirst for power peeked through in 2000, when she considered running for Congress from Connecticut with the Libertarian Party. (Politicians are always potential Antichrists). The party refused to endorse her, thereby delaying the Great Tribulation and the return of Christ for possibly a whole administration.
I must confess, as I read about this lady, I liked her spunk. But the evidence was leading me to a sad conclusion. I wheeled out the Beastie Machine, cocked its supercharged processor and tightly wound the spring-loaded cog-and-tackle levers. It was going to be a long night.
I entered the first phrase, "Evil fiend Ann Coulter." Total: 635. Not enough.
"Malevolent devil Ann Coulter" came closer at 660.
"Hateful and ugly Ann Coulter" was too large at 678 and so was "bubbling cauldron of hate Ann Coulter" at 1,034. But I was getting carried away. ...Must calm down, I told myself ...get a grip.
"Evil hate queen Ann Coulter" was almost there at 661. But something was not right. There was an adjective I was forgetting, an incantation that would unmask the dark forces once and for all. What was it?
Doh! Of course...
I typed in "Evil ugly bitch Ann Coulter" and hit return. The Beastie Machine started to rattle and hum. It belched and spewed machine oil. Finally it whined piteously and fell silent, leaving behind only the acrid smell of sulphur. The blinking screen displayed the primordial numero del Beasto--666.
I wiped away the tears, but I had to face the truth: I'll never look at another right-wing, talking-head hottie again in quite the same way.
• Furl • StumbleUpon • Technorati Tags: Ann Coulter, Christian humor, satire, humor
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Beastie: Cold and Coulter
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
This post has been featured on the Door's new website, if you want to check it out.
But everyone's missing the point. The purpose of the Weekly Beastie column is not to evaluate someone's political correctness from the left or right, but only whether their name can be configured to conform with the dreaded Number of the Beast.
This information should be welcomed by Christians of all persuasions interested in eschatology. (Remember, we've examined Barak Obama too. And this all started in our July/Aug 1996 issue when we discovered a similar secret about Bob Dole).
The only viable input anyone should have in these comments is to contribute more math.
For Ann Coulter try "Mrs. Fred Phelps." That should work.
Let us not forget that the real Antichrist will, when he comes on to the world scene will be very popular. He will be very charismatic. So the point is when we look for the “Antichrist” we shouldn’t be looking for a villain. We shouldn’t be looking for a bad guy, for that is not how he is going to appear, not to most people, at least not at first.
In fact he is going to appear as an hero. He is going to appear as an humanitarian. He is going to appear as a savior. He is actually going to be responsible or seem to be responsible in solving some of humanity’s most intractable problems. Perhaps he is going to be responsible for curing some disease, or develop ways to make things grow on barren land.
This is why I am guessing that he will be an industrialist because only an industrialist could have the infrastructures to develop such technology. Obviously what pushes this guy into the world stage would be the continuing success of his company.
And from there his success and charisma is going to pull him into politics. I say pull but it was his plan all along, though like the best of politicians he will make it look like he only begrudgingly entered the political sphere.
I believe he will become the head of the European Union, an entity that right now isn’t that strong, but since I see see this as happening from 30-50 years from now I see that by then the organization will have grown in strength
I still believe we have a generation or two before he arises, but in the term of human history a generation or two isn’t that long from now.
The above poster is obviously wrong. The antiChrist will not appear as an industrialist or a politician. if one really examines Revelation correctly, it is obvious that the antiChrist will first appear as a writer about the antiChrist. He will use vague biblical references to draw very specific characteristics of the antiChrist, which will of course point to anyone but him. His predictions will target political groups he is opposed to, and he will have a vague timeline that allows him to modify his predictions as the situation changes.
Sadly, he will also take himself very seriously.
Post a Comment