Dear Wittenburgblog,It's hard to find the silver lining here, but let me try. To quote Reinhold Niebuhr, by way of Tammy Faye Bakker, learn to "accept the things you cannot change," ...such as your abysmal taste on careers and leisure activities.
I'm the public relations director for Blackwater, and I was on my way back from a vacation in Myanmar (what was I thinking?) when the airline stewardess asked me to remove my shirt because she thought it was too suggestive. I refused, and they put me off the plane in Georgia. I decided to take in an illegal dogfight to kill time, but when I stopped in a public restroom, somebody in the next stall touched my foot (hey, I've got a "wide stance.") That kinda freaked me out, but that's not my problem. A group of Lacrosse players from Duke came in as I was going out, and when I made what I thought was a funny joke about those rape charges, they beat me up.
In the hospital I found out my health insurance was inadequate, so I had to wait six hours before they would clean my wounds. Then my doctor turned out to be an illegal alien from Guatemala, and they took him away for deportation before he could inject my anesthesia. By the time I got home, I was a wreck. That's when my wife told me our son was flunking school because he's addicted to Halo 3.
I just couldn't handle it anymore. I tried to kill myself with pills, but instead of the Lunesta, I grabbed my bottle of Viagra by mistake, and, well, I guess you can sense my despair. What can I do?
--Call me Job
But it's also important to know who to blame.
For instance, your problems with the health care mess? Blame Hillary Clinton and Michael Moore. Halo 3? Blame Microsoft's Bill Gates. Confused by your medications? You can blame the advertising industry for your botched suicide. This is a lot easier than taking to heart the other part of the "Serenity Prayer":
"Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His will."See why nobody quotes that part? Anyway, tell me how it all turns out.
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2 comments:
I think no one quotes that part because it looks like it would be pretty hard to remember. Catchiness is key.
The whole thing is hard to live out. And most people don't want to think that they'll be suffering. They want to fix everything and be happy for always...it's hard to blame them.
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