Beastie: Gore's inconvenient truth

As the 2008 presidential race heats up, the climate just gets better for Weekly Beastie prognosticating.
The Antichrist will emerge from the political arena, experts tell us. But he'll have a connection to religion as well. Surveying the hottest prospects this week leads us to an inconvenient truth--former vice-president Al Gore.

I found traces of brimstone all over Mr. Gore, but it wasn't easy. Nothing is, in the Beastie business.

Gore is a Baptist, so there's a plus. He invented the Internet, another plus. But he wouldn't even be mentioned were it not for the Academy Award for his environmental film, An Inconvenient Truth. As I reviewed the film, I found it filled with apocalyptic references and a subliminal message that only Al Gore can save us from this looming environmental disaster.


Using the ancient system of correspondences between letters and numbers in the Jewish Cabala and Gematria, I was at first disappointed. "Al Gore" returned a paltry total of 193, nowhere near the damning sum of 666. But we know the spawn of the Evil One is clever. Looking up Gore in Wikipedia, I discovered his full name-- Albert Arnold Gore, Jr.

Alas, that didn't pan out either.

After an agonizing night of meticulous calculations made by lamplight in my study, I hit on the correct permutation... at precisely 3:46 a.m.

Allowing for spaces and punctuation to each count as a "one," the phrase "V.P. Al Gore" seemed to shimmer and float off the page as the numerals clicked together to form "666."

So, you can run but you can't hide, Mr. Sulphur Breath. How's your carbon debt now?

Next week: Which presidential candidate has the name of the first murderer incorporated into his own? (Hint-- see Genesis 4:8).



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