Uglyband: Relient K's style emergency

Relient K
www.relientk.com
Latest release: Five score and seven years ago

Relient K's new CD was released today with the title Five Score and Seven Years Ago. Isn't that a tired reference to President George Washington's Farewell Address or something? Honestly, if they'd look these things up, they wouldn't end up embarrassed. That phrase has already been used, guys.

But this is a clueless band, style-wise, so why are we surprised?

They're from Ohio, but nothing in their repertoire approaches the old Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young rock anthem about the Kent State massacre, so why do they even try?

The website's biography section asks us to "trace the progression from the band’s tracksuit wearing days on 2000’s self-titled release," but you know, I think they looked better in the tracksuits.

Compare the photos from that album (top) and today (left) and tell me I'm wrong.

Reality check: The band needs to strictly limit their interaction to music only. Whenever they talk, it sounds lame: “There’s been a natural progression from the first onto the second, third and now the fourth record,” notes drummer Dave Douglas. Well, duh! Isn't that what all ordinal numbers imply?

On their musical style: "The lines are being blurred between the post hardcore, post punk and peak emo movements..." Blah blah blah. Does anybody know what they're talking about? Isn't an "emo" an extinct bird?

Relient K needs to work very hard on personal style, starting yesterday.

“It’s my personality to be cheesy and tell dumb jokes,” frontman Matt Thiessen admits. Later he says he "found it to be the hardest thing in the world to say 'Jesus' in a song and not be cheesy." The logic escapes me here. Are you cheesy, or are you not cheesy, Matt? This can be very confusing to your fan base.

In an interview with Cigar magazine--and, should he be talking to a magazine named "Cigar" that apparently promotes tobacco use? This is a PR faux pax waiting to happen--Thiessen said that before concerts, "I usually wear the same shirt but not for any reason, I just don't want to get another one dirty."

"The same shirt"! I think that explains a lot about the style problems (and throws into question his personal hygiene).

Bottom line: Dig out your old track suits and start over. And Thiessen--wash that shirt!



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